Triggered
by can08writer
Summary: After going missing for a month, Michonne is finally found, alive but extremely traumatized. As Rick and Carl try to get to the bottom of what happened to her, they wonder if she can ever come back. And if she does, will she ever be the Michonne that they've grown to know and love? WARNING: EXTREMELY DARK THEMES. NOT FOR CHILDREN.
1. Chapter 1: Is this real?

**Disclaimer:** **This story is very dark and is** **not** **intended for children. It has many trigger warnings including rape, torture, and abuse of various kinds. If that is not something that you want to read about, this story is not for you.**

"How's Rick handling it? You know, behind closed doors? I mean, you know him way better than anyone else in Alexandria" Aaron asked Daryl, as he sat in the passenger seat of the speeding sedan.

"Mmmnnnn" Daryl grunted in a sound that let Aaron know that he wasn't sure. "How d'ya think he's handling it."

Aaron nodded, sympathizing about how he'd feel if something happened to Eric. "I mean… he seems to be holding it together well. Considering…"

Daryl stared straight out the windshield at the road that was quickly passing them by.

"I mean… I just really miss her. I know how important she was to him. To all of us" Aaron explained.

Daryl kept his eyes on the road straight ahead as he mumbled, "yea."

There was silence for a few minutes as both of them became lost in their thoughts. Daryl was practically driving on autopilot when a small herd of walkers drew his attention. They were in the middle of the road, and although there weren't many of them, there was enough that they couldn't just go around.

"How 'bout we stop here and draw them to us? Pick them off one by one?" Aaron suggested. Daryl nodded and they stopped the car a small way down the road, waiting for the walkers to stumble their way over to them.

As they waited, Daryl saw a slight movement in the trees, just in his peripheral vision. He turned to the movement, his crossbow at the ready. To his astonishment he saw a woman stumble from the bushes. She was barefoot, and bleeding from her feet from the tough terrain she was walking through. She wore only a filthy t-shirt that was covered in blood that didn't seem to be hers. She was bruised all over, the purple and red marks marring her brown skin, and blackening her eye. Ligature marks from handcuffs or ropes, cut across her wrists and ankles, and her hair was chopped up into uneven clumps. It looked like someone had taken a knife to her locs, and cut at her hair randomly, not even using scissors. But the most alarming, haunting part of this familiar face was the eyes. Her eyes were blank and staring, barely blinking, barely registering as human. She stared through Daryl, not a single trace of recognition on her face. Daryl and Aaron both stared at her in shock.

"'Chonne?" Daryl asked, but he already knew it was her.

"Oh my God" Aaron whispered, his hand going to cover his mouth.

Michonne stood there, not glancing at the men or the walkers that were quickly approaching. She stared as if she were watching a movie that was playing in her own head.

"Walkers!" Aaron warned Daryl, as the small herd finally reached them. The two of them turned their eyes away from Michonne for a second, to focus on killing the half dozen walkers that had reached them. Within seconds they turned back to her, overjoyed that they'd finally found her after her being missing for a month, but she wasn't where she had been seconds before.

They spotted her limping away from them, down the road, her shoeless feet leaving a trail of bloody footprints behind her.

"Michonne!" Aaron called, jogging to catch up with her, "Michonne! Wait!". Aaron reached out and touched her arm gently to get her attention. She jerked away from him as if he had shocked her, and he immediately held up his hands to let her know he meant no harm.

"Michonne it's me, Aaron. And Daryl. We're not gonna hurt you. We're not gonna hurt you. We're here to take you home."

Michonne stared at Aaron blankly. Her eyes shifted to Daryl who approached her as he would a wounded animal.

"'Chonne, you're hurt" he said softly, "let us take you back to Alexandria. Let us help you. Rick, and Carl, and Judith are waiting for you. Everybody's missed you."

Michonne's brow crinkled at the names as if she were trying to remember something really important, but she still didn't speak.

"You wanna come with us?" Daryl asked, holding a hand out to her. Michonne stared at his hand for a while, and without answering she stumbled back towards the car. Aaron ran to open the back door for her, and he reached to hold her arm as she lowered herself into the back seat. At his touch she jumped again, turning towards him with her eyes wild.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" Aaron began, shocked by her reaction to him.

Daryl stared at Michonne as she began to tremble, her eyes unfocusing as she looked through them once again.

Aaron slowly closed the car door, and shot Daryl a concerned look before they both hopped in the car, speeding back to Alexandria with an impassive Michonne in the back seat.

XXXXXXXXXX

It had been hours since Michonne had returned to Alexandria, and seemingly back from the dead, and she hadn't spoken a word. She was understandably changed, Rick knew that immediately, when he had run to her in exhilaration and she backed away from him, eyes wide and body trembling. Her hair had been roughly hacked off and her eyes were sunken in to her head, making her look like a bare skeleton of herself. Every time he tried to touch her she reacted as if he was hurting her, and he quickly learned to stop trying to touch her.

Even the sight of Carl and Judith wasn't enough to bring her back from the fog she seemed to be in. Rick wondered if she'd hit her head or had a brain injury for her to have changed so quickly. Her aversion to touch was more understandable when he'd seen the wounds that littered her body. Various bruises and lacerations stood out on her skin in ugly purple patterns. Her wrists and ankles were open and raw from her being tied up somewhere. The thought of someone tying her up and causing these wounds hurt Rick to the depths of his soul. When Rosita approached Michonne in an attempt to wrap up her open wounds to prevent infection, Michonne reacted the way she had to everyone else, pulling away and fighting to be free.

No one knew how to help her, and Rick wished Denise was here so she could give him some advice on Michonne's psychological state. Without anyone who knew psychology, Rick figured that she had gone through something terrible and obviously traumatic, and maybe she needed her space to think things out.

When he brought her back to the house, she barely responded, searching the house glassy eyed as if she wasn't seeing what was in front of her. He led her to the bedroom they shared, hoping she'd remember the love she had for him, or their children, but she refused to enter it, and he gave up and led her back downstairs.

Carl had tried to talk to her, to bring her back from wherever she was in her mind. She was sitting on the couch in the living room, her knees pulled up to her chest, and her head resting on her knees. He had placed a piece of candy bar that he'd been hiding in his personal stash in front of her, hoping she'd eat something, as it was obvious she hadn't for days, but she didn't even look at it, or him. He tried sitting with her quietly on the couch, then reading her a few pages from a comic book he knew she loved, but nothing was working. She was still wearing the long dirty t-shirt she had on when they had first found her, and blood and dirt was caked to her face, arms, and legs.

"Michonne" Carl called to her softly. "Michonne I'm so glad you're back. I know you don't want to talk now, and that's okay. You can take your time if you need it. Me, Dad, and Judy, we're gonna be here. We're not going anywhere. We missed you so much when you were gone. We need you", Carl confessed, a tear escaping from his eye. He moved a little closer to her and he noticed her whole body tensed, causing Carl to stop.

"Michonne, can I touch your hand?" Carl asked. She didn't answer, and Carl didn't want to push her, so he decided not to.

"Okay, I won't then. I'm gonna go get dad. He's upstairs. We'll be right back."

Carl raced up the stairs, meeting up with his father in the hallway. He was carrying a bowl of warm soapy water and a washcloth. "Anything?" Rick asked Carl quietly, as Judith was sleeping in the next room.

"She won't look at me, and she doesn't want to be touched. Dad, what happened to her? What could make her like this? Who did this to her?" Carl asked, his face turning red and his eyes glazing over.

Rick pulled Carl to him and kissed him on the top of his head. "I don't know son. But she needs us. Whatever she's going through, we need to help her to come back. We thought she was dead, and this is a second chance to have her with us, and we can't take it for granted. I know it's hard seeing her like this, but we have to do whatever it is she needs."

Carl nodded silently, a tear escaping down his cheek which he quickly wiped away. "It's late son. Go to bed, I'll watch her through the night."

"But what if… What if she speaks? What if she needs me?" Carl asked.

"I'll wake you up. If something changes I'll wake you up, I promise" Rick assured Carl.

Carl nodded. "Okay. Goodnight Dad."

"Goodnight Carl, I love you" Rick said, and then he headed down the steps with the water and wash cloth. When the creaks from him walking down the steps ended, he was met with absolute silence. As he approached the living room, her absence startled him.

"Michonne?" Rick called, as he searched the kitchen and hallway, hoping she was still in the house. Silence. "Michonne!" Rick called, bursting into her old bedroom, where he saw a figure sitting on the floor in the dark. Her back pressed upright against the wall, and her head on her knees. Her eyes were closed, and her arms were wrapped around her knees, in the fetal position.

"Oh, thank God" Rick breathed out, his hands shaking and his heart racing. He swiped his hand through his hair in relief, his mind immediately going to what he'd do if she'd gone missing again.

He kept his movements slow as he approached her, as she was skittish and easy to startle. He slowly put the bowl of water and wash cloth on the ground in front of her. He then lowered himself to his knees and sat back on his heels across from her. The whole time she didn't move a muscle. He sat there in silence for a minute or two, unsure of what to say. Unsure of if there was anything he could say to bring the Michonne he knew back.

"Michonne, whatever you went through out there, I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry Michonne. I know it was bad. But I know whatever it was, that you can come back from this. I know because you always have. You always will. That's who you are. No matter how long it takes, we'll be here for you, every day. And… if you never speak again, I'll always be here for you."

His words were met with silence, and she didn't move a muscle in response. Rick cleared his throat. "I brought some water and a washcloth so you can wash. I know how much you like to be clean. If you'll let me, I can help you" Rick offered, picking up the washcloth and showing it to her.

When she didn't move or respond, he thought maybe she had fallen asleep with her head resting on her knees. "Michonne?" Rick called again and he was met with silence.

Rick dipped the washcloth into the warm water and stretched his hand towards Michonne's arm, where blood was concealing the bruises. As gently as possible, he touched the warm washcloth to her arm, and she jolted away from him so quickly the washcloth hit the floor with a plop. She turned to stare at him with wide eyes that bore into his soul. He could see so much pain in those eyes.

"I'm… I'm sorry Michonne" Rick said, "I didn't mean to scare you."

Her breathing was raspy and her chest heaved up in down quickly to match her rapid heartbeat.

"If you want, I'll leave you alone for a little while" he said, slowly standing. She still didn't answer, but at least she was now looking at him.

"I'm gonna go. I'll be right there in the living room" Rick said, backing towards the doorway. "I'll be right there if you need anything, okay?" he asked. Once he reached the doorway, he stood in front of it, staring at her, silently pleading for the love of his life to show some recognition. To give him some sign that the Michonne he knew was still in there.

He reluctantly turned around and closed in the door slightly behind him, when he thought he heard his name whispered so softly he wasn't sure if it was a whisper or the creak of the door. He spun around and glanced at Michonne, her head turned towards him, her eyes focused on him with the slightest hint of recognition.

With tears running down her face, and her brow knotted in confusion, she whispered

"Is this real?"

XXXXXXXXXX

 _A month ago:_

 _She had been tied up for hours, her arms that were tied to the headboard above her head on the filthy mattress had long lost their feeling, and hung limply from the ropes. Her shoulders had become so sore she didn't think she could move her arms if she was untied. Her wrists were bloodied and swollen from her constant pulling and struggling on the ropes. Her ankles were just as red and sore as her wrists. Her lips were dried and cracked, with the faint hint of blood permeating on her lips._

 ** _Just a little while longer, Rick will find me. Rick will find me or I'll escape. I'll kill every single one of them._**

 _All she could remember was she had been out on a run when something slammed into the back of her head without warning. She woke up tied to a dirty bed in her underwear. Her weapons and outer clothes gone, and a horrid headache. She had been struggling to free herself for a while, causing the wounds to her wrists and ankles, but to no avail. She paused from her struggling for a moment and heard a creak as the bedroom door was pushed open._

 _"_ _Hey sweetheart, glad to see you're awake. I thought that bump on the head might've been a little too much for ya. Now, what were you doing out here all by yourself?". Michonne met him with a cold stare._

 _"_ _Not talkative huh? Don't worry, you don't have to say a word."_

 _He reached out a dirty hand, and slid a finger down Michonne's cheek. "Damn you're pretty. We haven't seen a woman in a long while". He flattened his hand and ran it down her stomach, causing her to suck in a breath and lunge at him. "Look at these muscles, and these titties. I think you're gonna stay with us a while."_

 _"_ _Don't touch me" she growled._

 _"_ _Why not?"_

 _"_ _I'll kill you" she snarled, pulling at the ropes even more, but hopelessly realizing that they were holding and she was stuck._

 _"_ _That's cute. No… no you're gonna be my Dolly. I'm gonna dress you up, and play with you. And if you please me, I'll treat you right. You're gonna make me happy, and if you make me happy, I'll take good care of you."_

 _"_ _I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna slit your…"_

 _Michonne's sentence was cut off from his hand wrapping around her throat. "Dolly, you threaten me again and you're gonna regret it. You understand?"_

 _Michonne stubbornly stayed silent as he squeezed harder. She could see black spots in front of her eyes. He leaned closer and pressed his lips against hers as she gagged. He suddenly let go and she gasped for breath, secretly wishing she would've passed out. While she gasped and sputtered for breath, he took a knife and pressed it to her chest between her breasts. She was still breathing hard when he cut her bra off with one swipe._

 _"_ _Look at them titties. Dolly, you truly are a treat. It's been quite a while. I know the others are gonna want a turn, but I just had to get first dibs."_

 _"_ _Don't touch me!" Michonne screamed, still out of breath from her choking._

 _He slapped her so hard, she bit down on her tongue. She could taste more blood in her mouth. "Your yelling and screaming is gonna bring the dead, and if they come for us, guess who's feeding them?"_

 _She continued to struggle, panicking when she realized she could not get free and the man was staring at her like she was a snack._

 _"_ _Shhhh Dolly" he said running the knife from her neck, down between her breasts, and over her stomach to her belly button. "Shhh now. Be a good Dolly."_

 _Michonne kept gasping and struggling as the man hooked his finger into her panties and yanked them down to her knees._

 _"_ _No! No!" she screamed. "I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you! Get off me!"_

 _The man chuckled. "I told you about attracting the dead. Don't make me hurt you now. Shhhh" he said again, placing his finger on her lips. In a split second she bit down on his finger and he gasped and yanked his finger from her mouth._

 _"_ _Fuck it!" he cursed, shaking his hand to get rid of the pain. He spun in a circle to calm himself down, as Michonne continued to struggle on the bed. She was pulling the ropes on her wrists and ankles so hard that they were now cut and the ropes were digging into her flesh. He quickly approached the bed, kneeling next to her. He then raised his hand and slapped her three times in the face. Her head was spinning from the pain and her whole face stung. She was dazed and her head dropped back to the dirty mattress._

 _"_ _I was gonna go easy on you Dolly, but now you're gonna pay. I'm gonna make it hurt. And then the rest of my buddies, they're gonna have their way with you too."_

 _A whimper left Michonne's lips as she watched him drop his pants. He climbed on top of her on the bed, his sweaty body pushing her tied legs apart. She was moments away from begging him to stop. Moments away from pleading, but she realized that either way he wasn't going to stop. She could feel his appendage pressed up against her inner thigh, and he stared directly into her frightened eyes._

 _"_ _I'm gonna have so much fun with you Dolly" he whispered, pressing his cheek up against hers right before he thrust inside of her, filling her to the hilt._

 _She gasped in pain, and he laughed. "It's big ain't it. I know, but you'll get used to it"_

 _"_ _Stop!" she tried, but he ignored her, bombarding her with a series of thrusts that had her crying out and clutching at the ropes on her wrists. In a last ditch effort to get him off, Michonne head butted him. He rolled off of her clutching his head._

 _"_ _You bitch!" he screamed, punching her repeatedly in the face, over and over again. "You. Fucking. Made. Me. Ruin. My. Dolly's. Face!"_

 _Michonne was barely conscious from the blows, and unable to fight back anymore. She had already been hit on the back of the head, and the blows to her face caused a severe headache. Her head lolled to the side and she stared blankly as he rolled back on top of her. "Your face may be messed up, but the pussy still works" he whispered, before finishing his task. Michonne thankfully was out of it for the majority of the assault. After he emptied himself inside of her, he climbed off of her, his chest heaving and a satisfied smile on his face._

 _"_ _Shit, it's been a while Dolly, but God damn. I think that was one of the best fucks of my life!" he said with a pleased sigh. Michonne was out of breath, tears streaming down her bruised face. Her wrists were now bleeding from the pull of the ropes, and her insides were burning. He had bruised her on the inside, and the pain was a reminder of what had just happened. A wave of shame washed over her. She'd just been raped. This disgusting piece of shit had just raped her, and she couldn't do anything about it. She had never been so helpless in her life._

 _"_ _Who's got next?" he called to the door, after pulling his jeans back up and hooking his belt. She laid there trembling, her head pounding as she slowly digested what just happened, and suddenly a new man was at the door, grinning at her._

 _"_ _How was she?" he asks the first._

 _"_ _She fights like hell but she's sweet as candy. I may just have another taste before I hit the sack. Watch her head, she headbutted me. Had to fuck her up for that one" the first said on his way out._

 _The second man stood before her, studying her body for a few seconds as she trembled. When the second man removed his pants she knew that this would be worse than the first one, and she prayed for death._

 _Sometime between the third and fourth man, Michonne must've fallen asleep or passed out, because she awoke to a loud bang and an explosion that shook the house. She could hear people running and screaming on the other side of the door. All of a sudden, the bedroom door was kicked in, and Rick burst through, his Colt Python held up at the ready. At the sight of her laying naked, and tied to the dirty mattress, Rick's mouth dropped open._

 _He rushed to her, calling her name, quickly cutting the ropes that held her bound._

 _"_ _Michonne, my love, are you okay?" Rick asked, holding her to him._

 _She shook her head no, bursting into tears in his arms. He removed his own shirt, wrapping it around her, and then lifted her into his arms, stroking her hair and cuddling her as he carried her to safety._

 _"_ _We killed them. We killed them all. They'll never hurt you again" Rick whispered, and she finally allowed herself to relax into his arms, relieved that her ordeal was finally over._

 _Her eyes snapped open and she was still tied to the bed in the dark. When she realized where she was, she let out a cry of frustration and horror. She struggled against the ropes again, freaking out. Screaming and kicking, trying to do anything to be free. The noise she made brought someone else into the room._

 _"_ _Oh good, you're awake. Now we can go round two."_


	2. Chapter 2: Baths and Haircuts

Rick was shocked and ecstatic that she'd spoken. Forgetting that he was trying to move slowly around her, he all but dove to the floor in front of her, startling her so badly that she crawled away from him backwards.

"I'm sorry… Michonne it's me, it's Rick. This is real, and you're safe!" he said, staring into her eyes, begging her to believe him. "Michonne no one will hurt you anymore. Just stay here with me, okay?" He brought his hand up and almost touched her cheek before he caught himself, putting his hand down at his sides.

"I… I just… I need you to be here with me. I know it probably seems safer wherever you are in your head, but it can be safe out here too. We'll make it that way."

She looked into his eyes as if she wanted to believe it, but then she shook her head furiously. "No" she whispered, "no, no, no."

"Yes Michonne, I promise" he said, moving closer to her, to which she moved further away. "Please? I can't lose you. Not again" he pleaded.

Michonne didn't answer as she turned to stare at the wall. Within seconds he could tell she wasn't fully with him anymore.

"Michonne?" Rick tried again, but there was no response.

Rick pulled himself to his feet and quickly exited the room, closing the door in behind him, but not completely. Unwanted tears quickly flowed down his face, and he made it as far as the kitchen before they turned to full on sobs. He gripped the counter as his body spasmed, and he placed his fist in his mouth to muffle the sound for both Carl who he guessed wasn't really asleep yet, and Michonne who he knew could hear him if he was too loud. He cried for the woman he fell in love with, what happened to her in the month she was gone, and the woman she was now, and he wasn't sure if he would ever see the Michonne he fell in love with ever again. But, at that very moment he made a vow, to love this new Michonne, even if she never became the old Michonne again. Even if she never let him touch her again, he would love her as a memorial to who she was.

The sun rose on Rick sitting on the couch in the living room. He hadn't slept all night, praying that he'd hear Michonne calling his name again, or praying that she'd come into the living room and be ready to talk about what happened to her, but there was nothing. He had checked on her three times during the night. The first time she was still awake, sitting in the same spot on the floor of her room, her knees drawn up under her chin. The second time she had fallen asleep on the ground, curled up into a ball, and he was grateful that she at least got some rest. He wanted so badly to curl up next to her, to touch his girlfriend who he loved with all his heart, but he knew she would run away from him and he didn't want to cause her any more stress, so he turned and returned to his couch. The third time he checked on her she was awake again. Her head snapped to the door when she sensed him watching, and she stared for a while before her eyes drifted off towards the floor again.

Early in the morning, while Rick was making breakfast, Carl quickly rocketed down the stairs.

"Where's Michonne?" Carl asked, his face scrunched into a worried frown.

"She spoke last night" Rick said softly, turning towards Carl. Her words had been on Rick's mind all night.

"She did?" Carl asked excitedly "What'd she say? You said you'd wake me up!"

Rick nodded tiredly. "I know I did, but she only said three words. She asked me if this was real."

Carl frowned. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know, Carl. I don't know. I tried to tell her that its real, that we were real, but she just went back into herself. And… I don't know how to bring her out. I don't know what to say to her, if I can say anything to her, to keep her with us."

Carl looked away from his father as he became lost in thought. Rick, concerned about the train of thought that Carl might've been having, tried to distract him. "Want some toast?" Rick asked, dropping two pieces into a plate.

"No, but I'll bring Michonne some" Carl offered, picking up the plate and a butter knife, and heading towards her room before Rick could say anything. He knocked on the door three times before pushing it open slightly. Michonne was laying curled up on the floor again, apparently sleeping. The water and washcloth was still on the floor where Rick left it. Not wanting to startle Michonne, Carl knocked on the door one more time and her eyes snapped open.

Carl took a breath and entered the room confidently. "I'm going to open the blinds. Do you mind?" Carl asked her. As he expected, she didn't speak, so he walked over to the window and turned the blinds, letting thin slivers of sunlight filter through the room and illuminate the specks of dust that were floating around. He then placed the toast in front of Michonne, and he sat down cross legged in front of her.

"You still have blood on you. I can help you wash it off if you want, maybe get it out of your hair?" Carl asked, pointing to the chopped up locs on her head that were sprinkled with blood. He picked up the washcloth again and she flinched slightly. He put it back down.

"I know you're hungry. You haven't eaten all this time, and probably before, too. You should have some. Just a bite. Dad made it, y'know. He's not the best cook but, I don't think even he can ruin toast."

She looked down at the rug, avoiding Carl's eyes.

"Maybe just a little? See, I'll even cut it in 4's for you, just like you always do for Judith" Carl said, pulling out a butter knife and cutting it. At the sight of the knife, Michonne buried her head in her knees, her brow scrunching as if she was reliving something, and Carl noticed.

"Sorry, okay, no knives" Carl said, putting the knife away. "I get it. I know you've been through so much Michonne. I can see that. But if you talk, you can tell me what not to do to upset you. I don't want to scare you or upset you, I just… I'm trying. I want my mom back. I know you're trying too, and I need to be patient, but I already haven't had you for a month and I've missed you" Carl said as he cried, "I've missed my best friend and I need you back. So, tell me how to make it better and I'll do it."

Michonne lifted her head from her knees and looked Carl in the eyes for the first time. Her lips trembled and tears tumbled down her cheeks. Carl realized for the first time she was all there.

"Michonne?"

She didn't speak, but her eyes looked almost as though she was trapped inside her head, and her eyes were the only way she could communicate.

"Michonne it's me, Carl… Dad said you asked him if this is real. Yes, this is real. This is Carl. I'm right here in front of you. You're home."

"You said that before" she whispered softly.

Carl's eyes widened at her comment. "When? When did I say that?" but she was gone again, back to wherever she went in her head, unresponsive.

"Michonne" he tried again, but she's staring now, watching something play out that only she can see.

XXXXXXXXXX

 _For days she was strapped to the bed, her days spent sleeping, staring at the ceiling, listening to the men outside her door, or fantasizing about Rick and her family rescuing her. Her nights were spent occupying man after man before they went to bed. Luckily, none of them slept in her room, so once the last one left she could let it all out, crying hysterically, or silently cursing God, fate, and even her family for not saving her._

 _She learned to be silent through her agony, and that was what it was, agony. They bruised her every night, and she never had a night off to recover. Every time someone entered her it felt like broken glass, but she bit her lip and was silent, to the appreciation of the man who "owned" her. In her head, she just called him Him. He allowed the other men to rent her out if he felt like it, but he made it clear to them and to her, that she was_ _ **his**_ _Dolly. After days of being tied down, He approached her._

 _"_ _You've been a good Dolly, you've learned to be quiet. I like that you learn fast. I told you before, if you please me, I'll treat you right. So, I'm gonna let you off this bed, I'm gonna give you some food, and a night off. That is of course, if you have good behavior. Now can I untie you and have you behave?"_

 _Michonne stared at him with hatred and defiance in her eyes._

 _"_ _Say it, say 'I'll behave' and I'll let you up off this bed"_

 _Michonne continued to stare._

 _"_ _Have it your way Dolly" he said, and he didn't give her a night off._

 _The next night it was the same thing. "Say you'll behave and I'll untie you. Your arms look like they can use a rest. Can you even move those things anymore?"_

 _Michonne still ignored him, staring up at a leak in the ceiling, but in her head the wheels were turning. She wanted to get up so badly, and she knew if she didn't move her arms soon she may have serious damage to them. She debated quickly in her head, and just when he was about to walk out the room, she mumbled "I'll behave."_

 _"_ _That's a good Dolly right there" he said, and he untied the knots. When released, her arms hung limply at her side, and she couldn't use them. Her legs were stiff, and everything inside and outside of her was painful. He pulled her up so she could sit upright for the first time in 5 days."_

 _"_ _I know you're hungry, you haven't eaten for a while. Honestly, I'm surprised you're conscious enough to still be talking to me. I have some dinner for you, but before you eat it, you need to look pretty. Don't worry, I told the men out there I'm giving you the night off, but still, I know with a bath and a little make up you'll be a looker again. So, I'm gonna bring you a bucket and a wash cloth and you can clean up. I got some make up and clothes just for my Dolly, and you'll doll yourself up before you come out here, and then you can eat some dinner, okay Dolly?"_

 _"_ _I can't move my arms" Michonne said dryly._

 _"_ _Oh" the man said thoughtfully. "That's okay Dolly, I'll do it for you then"_

 _"_ _No"_

 _"_ _Don't you worry, It's my pleasure" he laughed before leaving the room. If Michonne was any less beaten and bruised, she would've tried to get out the room, climbing out the window, or finding a makeshift weapon. Due to her damaged arms, she couldn't do any of those things. Less than a minute later, He returned with a bucket of water. He sat down in a nearby chair and gestured to Michonne. "Come here Dolly, let me wash you"_

 _"_ _No"_

 _"_ _I said come here"_

 _"_ _No!" Michonne screamed._

 _"_ _Dolly, you have till the count of three or you're gonna get it. I'm being nice here, you just need to cooperate" the man insisted._

 _"_ _Don't touch me!" Michonne shrieked, limping backwards on her bruised ankles._

 _He jumped up, cornering Michonne in a corner of the room. She flinched, expecting a beating, but instead he dumped the full bucket of water on her head, shocking her. He grabbed her left arm with his left hand, and took the wash cloth in his right hand, roughly scrubbing her down. Michonne screamed the whole time, fighting and kicking at him when he went to scrub her lower regions because of the soreness and pain._

 _"_ _Stay still!" he demanded, as she pulled away from him, but she wasn't truly a threat to him without her arms._

 _When she was washed to his satisfaction, he yanked her naked body by the hair, out the bedroom door, and she stumbled to keep up with him so her hair wouldn't be pulled. As she was dragged out the room for the first time in five days, she saw seven men sitting in the dilapidated house's living room eating and watching the scene. Some laughed and whistled at her._

 _"_ _She still has the night off boys, you can watch, but don't touch my Dolly!" he called to his amorous buddies. He pulled her into what probably passed as a kitchen, and plopped her into a chair, her naked body still dripping with water, and the men watching from the living room as they ate._

 _"_ _Now I'm not too good at this make up stuff, but I've seen my girlfriends do it a time or two. You need to sit still and let me put this on you. Think you can do that?" he asked with a hint of humor._

 _He let go of her hair briefly to pick up a tube of lipstick that was set on the counter, and she kicked him in the groin and jumped out the chair. He groaned and doubled over, causing the men who were watching to laugh. Before Michonne could think of what to do next, he grabbed her by the hair again and punched her in the face._

 _"_ _Dolly, you are getting on my last nerve. You too good for makeup? You think you're too pretty for this? Huh? I'm gonna fix that right now. Self-righteous bitch. Look at that mirror!" he pulled her hair to force her to look at a mirror that was propped up in the kitchen. "You're nothing. Ain't a damn thing!" He took out a knife and held it to her throat. She glared at him through the mirror._

 _"_ _You think you're too fucking pretty huh? Let's see how pretty you are without any hair!" he took his knife and hacked at her hair, cutting off her locs as she watched powerlessly. "I'm here trying to be nice, letting you off that bed, and you wanna act a damn fool! Now look at you, ugly ass whore!" he kept hacking at her hair, pulling it, cutting it until she could only stare at the reflection of herself._

 _She watched helplessly as part of her identity was stripped away. Her locs, that she had grown and cultivated for 20 years of her life was gone, hacked to pieces and left on the floor. "Bet if your boyfriend found you now, he wouldn't even recognize you. Probably would leave you here to rot anyway. Yea I heard you call out for Rick once or twice while we were fucking, or while you were sleeping. His name is Rick, right?"_

 _Michonne, ever the stoic woman, dropped her guard, and her mouth hung open in surprise. She hadn't even realized she'd ever said Rick's name. She thought about him sometimes during the encounters, sometimes pretending it was Rick made it slightly less painful, but she didn't know she'd said it out loud._

 _As she looked back into the mirror at her gaunt, life-less expression, and her hacked off hair, she burst into tears. She couldn't even move her sore arms enough to wipe away the tears._

 _"_ _Dammit, you made the Dolly cry" one of the men called from the living room. "Lock her back up, she's ruining dinner."_

 _"_ _Yea, I think she's had enough for today. C'mon Dolly" he said, pulling her by the shoulder back into the room. When the two of them were alone again in the room, he put both hands in his pocket in a non-threatening gesture._

 _"_ _I'm not trying to hurt you y'know, I just want you to cooperate. If you do, things will be better for you. As a gesture of good will I ain't gonna tie you up tonight. And I'm gonna give you dinner. But if you try something, I will keep you tied to that bed till you die, and even after that, y'hear?"_

 _Michonne was barely listening to him speak. Her mind had drifted to Rick._

 ** _Where is he? Why hasn't anyone found me in 5 days? What is he doing right now? and Carl? and Judith?_**

 _"_ _I said did y'hear?" the man asked, drawing her back to reality. She nodded slightly. She was hungry, she needed to eat._

 _"_ _Say it."_

 _"_ _I heard you" Michonne said softly._

 _"_ _Good. Once your arms heal, you'll start wearing make-up. You're gonna be like a real Dolly. And I'll get you something to fix that hair."_


	3. Chapter 3: Baby Dolly

**_(Feel free to skip the Author's notes if you don't need an explanation for this story or don't want to hear from me, I know it's kind of long but I just wanted to address a few things.)_**

 ** _Author's Notes_** ** _: I am so grateful to the people who have sent me reviews and/or private messages about how they were bothered or disturbed by this story, but they trust me as an author and they keep reading because they know I will do the Grimes family justice. That is truly touching because I know that this is the darkest fic I have ever written, and I was concerned about backlash against me as a writer as well as me as a human being. Even if you respectfully felt the need to tell me that this story is not for you, that is okay, and there are no hard feelings there. _**

**_I am aware that this story is extremely graphic and discusses topics that can be seen as offensive and triggering to some, which is why I clearly put warnings on my story and in the description of this story. If you have read my other stories you know that I do continuously write angst fics, as that is the genre that I am interested in, but the most important part of all of my stories is the love between Grimes family 2.0, and that love can conquer any type of evil inflicted upon the characters. The reason why bad stuff happens to Michonne in many of my fics is that Michonne is the only female character on the show that I really care about. I don't really want to write a fic centered on Maggie, Carol, Sasha, Rosita, Tara etc because I honestly don't care that much about those characters and think they're generally boring, and wouldn't want to read a fic about them. I don't understand how any of my fics have ever been racist as some of the trolls have called me, but… ok._**

 ** _If I have given you fair warning about what this story is about, and YOU continue to read, only to complain about the story that I already warned you about, I don't know what to tell you. The main idea of this story is how Michonne is trying to heal from rape, something deplorable that happened to her, which was no fault of her own, and how her family helps her during this process. The point of the flashbacks are to explain why Michonne is acting the way she's acting in the present, and explain her "triggers" which is the title of the story. It would make no sense for Michonne to be acting the way she is acting and we have no context as to why._**

 ** _Also, a guest brought up the excellent idea that maybe one of the women of team family should try to treat Michonne's wounds rather than Carl or Rick because they're male. I just want to explain that Michonne doesn't want anyone to touch her, regardless of sex. In my mind she has a form of touch aversion which can be brought on by extreme events such as rape. And if she did allow someone to touch her, it would only be Rick, Carl, or Judith. A guest also asked why Rick and Carl didn't look for her, and I just want to say of course they looked for her, that will be brought up later._**

 ** _I've tried to explain my reasoning in writing this story in the most professional and respectful way possible. If you still have a problem with this story, I would suggest not continuing with it, or wait until it's finished and see if it was worth your judgement in the beginning, or don't read the flashbacks, or just read a different one of my fics, but please stop trolling my review section. Thanks._**

 ** _P.S: I was able to write 3 chapters in two days only because of the encouragement I got from the reviews and private messages. Once again, thank you everyone who reviews my stories with interesting and constructive things to say, and please keep it coming. If you want me to keep updating, all you have to do is throw a review my way, it really motivates me to keep writing regardless of what is going on in my life._**

 **Final warning: The flashback for this chapter is graphic but necessary to the story, spoiler below: ****** **Spoiler** **: I would not have a fic that involves a child/minor being actually sexually assaulted******

Rick sat with Michonne on the floor of her bedroom for hours in silence, resigned to stay there until he saw some change. He instructed Carl to tell the other family members who would knock on their front door from time to time that Michonne wasn't up to seeing anyone, and they'd give an update whenever they could. Their kitchen was starting to fill with food and other offerings of love from their family, and yet still Michonne sat, her head buried in her knees.

Soon Rick realized she was sleeping, and he took the opportunity to study her without her having to worry about him staring. He knew she had to eat, she had lost so much weight already. She also needed to see a doctor. He cringed at the scars and bruises that were visible with the t-shirt on, and knew there were others underneath it. He was so used to seeing her strong and level headed, her long locs flowing, and her radiant smile. She was always the heart of this family, always knowing the right thing to do or say. Now, she was curled up in a ball on the floor, psychologically damaged, maybe irreversibly. And he didn't know how to fix it. He squeezed his eyes shut to hold back the tears that were welling up in them. Within minutes the silent room, and staying up the night before took its toll on him, and he also fell asleep with his head resting on his knees, the same way hers was.

Michonne opened her eyes to Rick sleeping across from her, his head on his knees, snoring slightly. She looked around and realized that it was starting to get darker outside the window of this small room. She had had many delusions of being rescued and home with Rick, Carl, and Judith during her month in captivity, but none of those delusions had ever lasted this long. A full two days. She was terrified that if she gave in, and believed that this was real, she would wake up tied to that bed, just like it had happened over and over again.

 _How many times has Daryl tracked you and found you? How many times has Carl told you that you're home? How many times has Rick told you that you're safe? Don't fall for it. Don't do it to yourself again._

She didn't know if she should trust what her mind was telling her, or trust what she was seeing, and the dilemma was making her fall apart.

She began to study Rick again. With his head resting downward she was able to see those cute little curls on the back of his neck. She remembered how good it felt to run her fingers through them as they lay together in their bed. She remembered coming home from watch on the wall, to Rick, Carl, and Judith attempting to make dinner, Judith's tomato sauce covered hands making miniature sized hand prints on the kitchen cabinets. Judith, she missed Judith. She missed Judith's smell, and her smile. How could someone so innocent exist in the same world as the people who tortured her? Her thoughts began to get darker, going to the _other_ innocent girl who wasn't spared by this world.

 _What is the point of living like this? How can I live like this? Stuck between reality and fantasy, and not knowing what's real and what isn't?_

And in that moment, she decided to take a chance. Yes, she could end up waking up exactly where she started, but what if this was real? What if she had a chance to get past this?

Rick began to stir and stretch his limbs from his uncomfortable position. He opened his eyes and realized she was staring at him. She could see the hope in his eyes, that she wouldn't just disappear again, and in that moment she decided to try to reach out, praying that she didn't wake up as soon as her guard was down.

"Rick" she whispered.

He tensed in anticipation, not knowing if he should speak or not.

 _If I talk, will she disappear inside her head again?_

He let a few seconds pass and then responded, "I'm here"

"It hurts" she confessed.

"What… what hurts sweetheart?" Rick asked, his heart in his throat.

"Everywhere" she said, and her voice broke.

Tears fell down his eyes at her words.

She closed her eyes, expecting to wake up in that house again, but hoping she didn't.

"Can… can I touch you? To help you? Just your arms. I can help clean them" Rick suggests, inching forward.

"No."

"Ok" Rick said, moving back to where he was sitting. "But you're here with me right now? Are you, are you gonna stay with me?"

"I don't know" she said, shaking her head.

"Is there something you need? Something I can do?" he asked, trying to keep her in the present.

"Don't go" she whispered, looking at him again. Her eyes pleading.

"I won't" he promised, "I won't."

They sat together in silence again, Rick periodically checking to make sure she hadn't drifted off into her head, and she periodically checking to make sure Rick didn't disappear.

Soon, there were three knocks on the door and Carl stepped into the room. "I put Judith down for a nap, Maggie and Rosita stopped by for a little…" but his sentence stopped when he saw that Michonne was looking him in the eyes again.

"Carl?" she asked softly.

He immediately sat on the floor, scooting close to her, but catching himself and then moving back a little.

"Yea, yea it's me, Carl" he smiled. She gave a small smile herself, which was more than he could ever hope for.

"Are you back? Do you know where you are? Who we are?" Carl asked.

"I'm still not sure this is real" Michonne said, her eyes becoming hazy again.

"It is!" Carl said loudly, startling her. "Sorry… it is. We're real."

"I'm not okay. I… I'm not right… I can't tell what's real sometimes" Michonne admitted.

"What happened to you?" Carl asked

"Let's not talk about that now" Rick said quickly, trying to keep her with them as long as possible. "Do you want to talk Michonne? Or do you want to just sit?"

"I don't know" she said quietly, shaking her head.

"It's okay, we can just sit" Rick suggested.

The three of them sat on the floor in silence, gazing at each other, so glad she was back, for now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

A few hours later, Michonne ate for the first time since she'd been home. She stayed in her room, but she ate a few squares of the cold toast Carl had brought her that morning, even though Rick told her he could make more.

After she ate, Rick begged her to allow Rosita to check out her wounds, but she refused. She didn't want to be touched by anyone. She did take a big step and agree to wash herself in the shower, and so Rick escorted her to their bathroom, handed her soap, a towel, and a washcloth, and told her he'd be standing outside in case there was anything she needed.

Michonne stepped into her bathroom, one of her favorite places in the house, for the first time in a month. She looked around at the spacious tub and the shower that she and Rick had made love in various times. She noticed that all of her bath things were exactly where she'd left them, her lotion that she used after she got out of the tub, her perfume and body wash, her favorite toothbrush and toothpaste. It looked like she'd never left. And here she was, a completely different woman from the one who left this bathroom on the morning of that run. She ran her fingers over the rubber ducky that she always put in the tub when Judith was taking a bath. She wondered if she would ever be that woman, that mother, that girlfriend again.

Michonne reached into the shower and turned on the faucet. The tinkling of the water sounded somewhat soothing. As she waited for the water to warm up, she pulled up the t-shirt that she was wearing and finally removed it. The dried blood that covered it had stained it brown. She consciously pulled her eyes away from the shirt, she could feel her mind slowly going back to what happened to make the shirt that color, and she didn't want to think about it. Not now.

She ran her hands under the water and could feel that it was warm. She tentatively put a leg into the shower and watched as the dried blood on the bottom of her feet mixed with the water. She stepped further under the spray, letting the water run through her hair, and suddenly it was a bucket of water being dumped on her head. She could feel hands scrubbing, scrubbing all over her body.

"No!" she yelled, and she hopped out of the shower, her wet feet sliding on the floor. The shower continued to run as she slid down to the floor, replaying it over, and over again. Hands touching her, hitting her, beating her. She looked up and saw herself on the floor, in the full-length bathroom mirror, her hair chopped to pieces, her body bruised.

 _You think you're too fucking pretty huh? Let's see how pretty you are without any hair!_

She placed her head in her hands so she wouldn't have to see herself in the mirror, and sobbed uncontrollably.

Rick who was standing outside the bathroom door couldn't hear anything but the shower running, but 5 minutes in he had a bad feeling. Not wanting to invade Michonne's privacy, especially since she only just started talking, he knocked on the door.

"Michonne, it's Rick. Are you okay in there?"

She didn't answer so he knocked again, and then he heard the sobs. "Michonne I'm coming in" he called, and slowly opened the door. Michonne was laying naked on the floor sobbing, curled up into a ball. She didn't turn or acknowledge him as he entered the room.

"Oh Michonne, it's okay, it's okay" he called, dropping to his knees, wanting so badly to hold her and press her against his chest, but he didn't want to traumatize her more. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body, not touching her bare skin, and it was then that he saw the scratches and bruises to her inner thighs. He had seen those types of injuries before. He'd suspected that she'd been raped, but now he had solid evidence.

"I'm so sorry baby" he said, crying himself. "It's okay now Michonne."

He decided to take a chance, and he placed his hand on her back, on top of the towel. She tensed up.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

She shook her head no. He immediately moved his hand.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked.

She shook her head no again.

He sat down on the floor next to her and stayed with her until her tears stopped. When she was ready, she sat up and properly wrapped the towel around her body. They sat in silence for a few moments before Rick began.

"Michonne, you have to go to Dr. Carson to get checked out. He… has to make sure you're okay" Rick said softly.

"No"

"please Michonne…"

"No! he can't… he can't touch me, please… please…" she begged.

"Okay. I'll never make you do something you don't want to do. Okay? Never" Rick promised.

"I can't do this, I keep seeing what they did to me. Everything reminds me of what they did to me. I can't live like this. I know it's wrong, I know I'm not okay but I…"

"You are dealing with this the best way you can, and we're gonna help you through this, but the physical wounds that you have, they need to be treated, so you don't get an infection. Your feet, your ankles and wrists, and those bruises you have… everywhere…"

"I'm not ready" she whispered.

"Okay, but can you at least wrap them yourself? No one will touch you, you can do it."

Michonne looked into Rick's blue eyes for a moment. She was scared, but she could try. It was better than someone else touching her.

She nodded. Rick went to get gauze and antiseptic and brought it back to the bathroom.

"Do you want me to leave? While you…"

"No" Michonne said softly. She was surprised that she felt that way, but she wanted Rick to be there. Rick always calmed her, she felt safe with him. It was just his touch that she couldn't bear right now.

Rick watched as Michonne carefully cleaned the wounds on her wrists. They were red and raw and he knew they hurt, but she took it in stride, wrapping the gauze around them. She then moved to her ankle wounds. They weren't quite as deep, but they looked just as painful. He could tell the wounds on her feet were from miles of walking on rocks, but they also looked red and swollen as if they had been burned. He would ask her about it later, if she was up for talking. She also cleaned the scratches on her thighs, turning away from Rick slightly as she did. He tried to be as supportive as possible, asking if there was anything he could do to help, or anything she needed.

"Just stay" she said, and he did.

Upon Michonne's request, Rick left her to put on her favorite comfortable pajamas, as he joined Carl and Judith who were watching a movie on the couch. After a few minutes, Michonne joined them on the couch, but made sure to sit in a way that she wasn't touching either of them. Carl and Rick gave each other a look, and then smiled at Michonne. Glad at least that she was joining them. Judith on the other hand was having none of it.

"Mmmmm!" she yelled, reaching for Michonne excitedly. "Muhhhhhh!"

Carl instinctively went to pass Judith to Michonne before he paused, Judith hanging in mid-air.

Michonne's eyes widened and she shook her head no. The reality that she couldn't even touch her baby bringing tears to her eyes. She began to breathe heavily, holding back the tears.

Carl could see she was on the verge of freaking out. "It's okay" he said, both to she and Judith who didn't understand why her mother wouldn't hold her. Carl put Judith back on his lap but Judith began to yell and scream, wanting to go to Michonne. "Muhhhhhh!" she demanded, practically leaping from Carl's lap. Carl, trying to distract the toddler, reached down under the couch and pulled out one of Judith's baby dolls, dancing it in front of her.

"See Judith? Look at your dolly dance! Dance dolly, dance!" he sang, shaking the doll in Judith's face.

Michonne's eyes nearly popped out of her head. She bolted from the living room, startling everyone, and slammed the door to her bedroom, collapsing to the floor in a corner of her room, weeping.

 _Flashback:_

 _Michonne sat on the floor in the living room, surrounded by the group of men she now lived with. Her arms had regained their feeling somewhat after He allowed her to go a few nights without being tied. Due to "good behavior" they allowed her out of her room, but forced her to wear make-up and a skimpy shirt and tight shorts He had found somewhere. He also forced her to wear a bright red wig that he'd found, to cover up her hair that he'd destroyed. Whenever Michonne put on these 'play clothes' she could easily dissociate from reality, and pretend she was somewhere else. Many times as she sat there she'd be home with Rick, Carl, and Judith playing scrabble. Or having a conversation with Rosita and Maggie. Rick had saved her in her mind so many times, that she was sometimes surprised to wake up in the morning and still be on that dirty mattress._

 _There were seven men sitting on couches around her, cleaning guns and skinning animals they'd caught in traps. Suddenly, two more men came in that she hadn't seen before._

 _"_ _Hey how was the hunting trip?" He asked._

 _"_ _Caught 2 deer, got 'em strung up on the hood of the car, and… got us a little one" he said, dragging a girl around 11 years old. Michonne's heart dropped._

 _"_ _Where'd she come from?"_

 _"_ _Found her, just wandering around by herself. She was trying to steal one of the rabbits out of our traps."_

 _"_ _I wasn't!" the girl yelled, struggling to get away from the men._

 _"_ _She's got some fight! Look at her go!"_

 _"_ _Why'd you bring her back here? We don't need one more mouth to feed" He said._

 _One of the men sitting in the living room said, "hey, she could be useful. She's an annoying little kid now, but she'll grow up. How many women you think we gon' come across? Dolly's the first one we've found in a while" nodding in Michonne's direction._

 _"_ _Yea, why not. The more the merrier. You get first dibs on her Judd, 'cuz you found her, but I get second dibs."_

 _Michonne felt sick to her stomach._

 _"_ _Let me go!" the girl screamed._

 _"_ _Shut the brat up. Gag her or something. We'll have fun with Dolly and Baby Dolly later."_

 _"_ _No!" Michonne said loudly, startling the men. She then quickly lowered her voice, "please, she's just a baby. She's a baby! You don't have to do this. I'll cooperate. I… I can make you all happy, you don't need her. Okay? I… I'll be good, just leave her alone."_

 _"_ _Or… we can just have both of you."_

 _"_ _If you leave her alone, I can give you more. I can give you… a show."_

 _"_ _A show?" the man chuckled. The other men, catching on, whistled and hooted._

 _"_ _Yea Dolly, give us a show and we'll leave the little one alone. But it better be pretty damn good"_

 _"_ _Let her go" Michonne demanded._

 _"_ _Nah. Let's get this straight. You don't demand anything here. But if you're a good Dolly, and give us what we want from you, we may be fair."_

 _The man gestured towards the bedroom where Michonne was previously tied up. "Put the Baby Dolly in there. Let's see what this one's got"_

 _Two men dragged the young girl into the room as she screamed and kicked at them. They returned a minute later, slamming the door behind them._

 _"_ _Okay Dolly, let's see this show."_

 _Michonne swallowed harshly, feeling slightly unsteady. She was terrified. There were nine men sitting in front of her, anxiously waiting for a show. The next hour she relived over and over in her nightmares. She shakily removed her clothes slowly as they lecherously watched. Lips swiping across their tongues, grabbing and rubbing their crotches as they stared, yelled, and whistled at her._

 _"_ _Dance Dolly! Dance! Let's see that ass shake!"_

 _She tried to go somewhere else in her head as she gyrated in front of them, doing whatever she could to take their minds off the girl in the other room. It seemed they had completely forgotten the girl as they watched Michonne's show, pulling her onto their laps, groping her, pulling her from one man to the next, each one taking their turn fondling her. She could feel hands on her. Mouths on her body, smelly rotten breath on her face and the back of her neck. She tried to be anywhere else. They assaulted her body, adding to the bruises that were already there. It seemed like hours before they were done, laughing and hi-fiving as she lay broken and panting on the floor._

 _"_ _Good job Dolly. Put your clothes back on" He said, patting her on the head. Feeling dizzy and exhausted, she puts her shirt back on her sweaty, fluid soaked body, and pulled the shorts back on._

 _"_ _You keep being a good Dolly, and maybe we'll leave the Baby Dolly mostly untouched. You understand?"_

 _Michonne nodded._

 _"_ _Tie her back up"_


	4. Chapter 4: Growing Pains

Rick and Michonne were sitting on the floor of her room again, while Judith screamed in the living room, and Carl tried to calm her.

"I'm sorry" Michonne said softly.

"Don't be" Rick said, staring deeply into her eyes, making sure she knew he meant it.

"I scared her" Michonne said, wiping tears from her cheek.

"She'll be okay."

"I scared Carl."

"He will too. Are you okay?"

There was silence again, and Michonne wrapped her arms around herself, wondering if she'd ever be okay.

"It was the doll" Michonne said softly.

Rick leaned in closer, trying to absorb every detail of what she was telling him. Trying to understand what had set her off.

"What about it?"

"Dolly, that's what they called me."

"Michonne, who took you?"

"I don't know. It was a group of men."

Rick moved slightly closer, finally getting answers to what he wondered for weeks. "Where? Where did they take you?"

"I don't know. I still don't know where I was. There were a lot of trees. I walked for a long time. Days."

"I looked for you Michonne. I looked for you every day. We all did. I'm so sorry I couldn't find you. That's my fault. I didn't want to accept you were dead, I couldn't. But I couldn't find you. We only stopped looking a few days ago."

"I wanted you to find me" Michonne said with a pained look. "I wanted you to save me. Towards the end I just didn't care anymore. It was easier to just zone out, live in my head. Until they brought her."

"Who?"

"The girl. I was trying to protect her from them. I couldn't let them..." Michonne suddenly couldn't talk as her lip trembled with unshed tears.

"You don't have to talk about it now if you don't want to."

"I just don't want to feel like this anymore."

"Honey, you've made so much progress already. You're here with us, you're trying. You're _speaking_. It's only been a few days. It takes time to heal."

"What if I never heal?"

"We'll still be here with you."

"Why?" Michonne asked, her voice barely a whisper.

 _Bet if your boyfriend found you he wouldn't even recognize you. Probably would leave you to rot here anyway,_ She could hear His voice ringing in her ear.

"Why do you want to deal with this? With me? I'm ruined, broken. I can't... I can't even let you or the kids touch me. I can't take a shower, I can't see a doll, I can't sleep on a mattress. I can't even look in the mirror" she said.

"Why do I want to be with you!?" Rick asked, astonished that she didn't know. "Because I love you."

She looked away from him, her shoulders slumping.

"Look at me, please?" Rick asked. He brought his face in front of hers until she had to look at him.

"I. Love. You, Michonne, because I know who you are. You are worth loving. You are worth waiting for. I will wait for you forever. I will never love anyone else. When you're ready to tell me everything that happened, I'll listen. But until then, the only person I want you to worry about is you. Okay?"

"Okay" she answered.

"Okay. So, right now, what do you want to do?"

She paused and thought about the question.

"I want to tell you how I got away."

 _Flashback_

 _With the girl there, the abuse was worse. Michonne had to constantly convince the men to leave the girl alone by begging, pleading, and doing various favors. Her spirit was completely broken, and her dissociation got worse as she disappeared more and more into her head. At night, the men locked them both in the bedroom. Michonne would lay on the mattress with her arms tied to the bed, and the girl slept on the floor with her feet tied to the bedpost._

 _The girl knew what Michonne was doing for her. She could see Michonne step in, when one of the nasty men said rude things to her, but the two of them didn't usually speak. Michonne didn't even know the girl's name besides Baby Dolly. After they locked her up for the night, Michonne would drift into her fantasies, talking to the people she loved, playing with her children, trying to forget everyone and everything around her._

 _One night the girl spoke to her. "How long have you been here?"_

 _Michonne was startled by the girl's voice. She had been drifting off to sleep._

 _"I don't know" she said impassively._

 _"Did they take you? Like me?"_

 _"Yes"_

 _"Why are you protecting me?" the girl asked, sitting up so that she could see Michonne's outline better._

 _"Because you're a baby. You shouldn't be here" she said softly._

 _"_ _Neither should you. We can escape."_

 _"_ _Leave me alone" Michonne said quietly. She wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep in imaginary Rick's arms. After a while, Michonne was beginning to fall asleep again when the girl asked, "Did you have a family?"_

 _Michonne was angry that the girl's questions kept bringing her back. She rolled her eyes in frustration and stared up at the ceiling._

 _"_ _Well, did you?" the girl asked._

 _"_ _Yes" Michonne said shortly._

 _"_ _Did they die?"_

 _"_ _I don't know"_

 _There was another long pause, but Michonne knew the girl was going to start again. She could hear it in her breathing._

 _"What they're doing to you, does it..."_

 _"Stop! Stop talking to me. Just stop" Michonne said angrily. "Just… worry about yourself."_

 _The girl was quiet after that. Michonne tried not to form attachments to the child, her only mission was to prevent the girl from meeting the same fate she had, but she didn't want to actually get to know her. Knowing her made living the way she had to live even harder. She preferred to spend her time on vacation in her head._

 _One night, she and the girl were in their room when they overheard a conversation between some of the men._

 _"We're not catching as much game as we used to. Looks like the woods around here are drying up. We're almost done with that deer you caught a few days ago, and no rabbits have been getting caught."_

 _"_ _You think the dead scared the game away? Last trip we came back from, there was a gang of them up the road, blocked the whole road and the woods around it. They could be scaring away the deer."_

 _"_ _Could be, we may have to move on"_

 _"_ _Where though?"_

 _"_ _Shit I dunno, somewhere with stuff to hunt. Maybe the State Park 50 miles away? But we can't stay here and starve. It'll take a few days to load up the vans. I'll start with the traps tonight."_

 _"_ _Hey! Hear that?" the girl whispered to Michonne._

 _"_ _What?" Michonne asked noncommittedly._

 _"_ _We're gonna move. Maybe we can escape."_

 _Michonne closed her eyes and tried to relax into the uncomfortable mattress. She was sore and just wanted to sleep._

 _"_ _Hey, did you hear me?" the girl asked, tapping on the bed._

 _"_ _I'm trying to sleep"_

 _"_ _we could get out of here!"_

 _"_ _How? Do you have a plan?"_

 _"_ _Well, you're the grown up!"_

 _Michonne smiled for the first time in weeks, but quickly stopped when the pain from the bruises on her lip brought her back to reality._

 _"_ _They have guns. We don't. We're outnumbered. And I… I can't fight them."_

 _"_ _Why not? You convinced them to leave me alone. You can figure out a way."_

 _"_ _Well I'm paying for_ _ **that**_ _aren't I?" Michonne asked harshly. She immediately regretted it._

 _"_ _I know you're helping me" the girl said softly, "So, I'm going to help you get out of here. That's what friends do."_

 _Michonne was too hurt and tired to respond._

 _When the men finally decided to leave, it was a surprise to Michonne and the girl. They hadn't spoken of a plan, and Michonne was still sore and bruised. Her arms were weak and she was limping, and when He stormed into the room suddenly, and untied her from her bed, she thought the worse._

 _"_ _Hey Dolly, c'mon, get up, we're about to go on a road trip" He said._

 _"_ _Where are we going?" the girl asked._

 _"_ _Somewhere. Shut your pie hole Baby Dolly."_

 _Michonne stiffly moved her legs and pulled herself up from the bed, rubbing her sore wrists._

 _"_ _Hurry up now, you too Baby Dolly."_

 _The two of them followed Him out of the bedroom into the living room._

 _"_ _We gon' tie 'em up?" one of the men asked._

 _"_ _Nah, they ain't going nowhere" He said, winking at Michonne. "Take 'em out to the van…" his sentence was cut off when the girl reached for his gun and pulled it from its holster. Michonne's eyes nearly popped out of her head._

 _"_ _Holy shit. You know how to use that Baby Dolly?" He asked._

 _"_ _Leave us alone! We're leaving now" the girl said, holding the gun up._

 _The three other men in the room raised their weapons._

 _"_ _Nice try Baby Dolly, now put that gun down now."_

 _"_ _No, let us go now or I'll shoot you! Hey, go get their other guns" the girl said to Michonne, gesturing with her head to the men, who clicked the safety off their guns. Michonne could tell the girl had no idea what she was doing. She was holding the gun wrong, her finger wasn't on the trigger, and the safety was still on._

 _"_ _This is the last time I'll say it" He said dangerously._

 _"_ _No!" the girl yelled._

 _Michonne saw that He was serious. "Wait!" Michonne screamed, reaching her arms out to stop Him._

 ** _BOOM_**

 _The gun went off so close to Michonne's head she couldn't hear. She turned to look at the girl who stood upright for a few seconds before slumping to the ground._

 _"_ _Nooooooooooo!" Michonne screamed in a voice that was almost a snarl. Before she had a chance to think, almost like a reflex, she dove for the girl's gun, clicked the safety off and fired at Him, catching him in the knee cap. The other men fired at her but she got them first, one in the stomach, two others in the chest._

 _The gunshots brought the other men who were outside. Michonne, with no regard for her safety or her injuries, didn't even shield herself as she opened fire on them, screaming as she released a month of pain and torture on them in a rage. The men returned fire, the bullets blasting through the cabin's windows and walls. She knew she hit at least two of the men outside, and she honestly didn't care what they did or where they went at the moment._

 _The girl was dead. Michonne could tell just by looking at her. She glanced at Him who was screaming in pain on the floor. She pulled a knife from his belt, the same knife he used to cut her bra off the first night she was there. The same knife he used to chop off her hair._

 _"_ _No Dolly, ahhhh, shit" he said, in pain from his exploded kneecaps. "Dolly, don't."_

 _"_ _Nooooo!" she screamed hysterically, sounding like a wounded cougar. She stabbed the knife into his crotch and he roared in pain. She pulled the knife out and stabbed it in again, twisting the knife this time._

 _"_ _Ahhhh, ahh, ah" the man moaned, barely conscious._

 _"_ _NOOOOOOO!" she screamed louder, stabbing him again and again and again. She was in a daze, unaware of her surroundings. The other men could have come up behind her and held a gun to her head and she wouldn't've stopped stabbing Him. "No!" she cried, "No!" she repeated over and over, beginning to sob._

 _She didn't know how long she stabbed his lifeless body. She had lost track of time. When she was done she continued to pulverize the other men she'd shot, making them unrecognizable, but they had already died on their own._

 _She turned back to the girl who was laying on her back, motionless. Michonne stared down at her, tilting her head to the side. The girl had saved her life. Michonne knew she should feel sadness, but she only felt numb everywhere. She took the knife and plunged it into the girl's head._

 _She then got matches out of one of the men's bags, and a piece of wood from the fireplace. Michonne set the wood on fire and dropped it on the living room floor. She watched as the fire caught, slowly burning through the floor and then spreading. Michonne didn't move a muscle as she stood there in the slowly burning house._

 _She was back in Alexandria, the first and only time they attempted to light the fireplace in the living room._

 _"_ _Rick, are you sure you've done this before?" Michonne asked skeptically._

 _"_ _I'm a country boy, remember? I know all about fireplaces" he boasted as he kneeled in front of the fireplace with a match._

 _"_ _Really?" she mocked, as Judith squirmed in her arms to get a better view of what her daddy was doing._

 _"_ _Watch this Judy. And now I make… fire!" he yelled enthusiastically as he dropped a match on the firewood that he had soaked in kerosene._

 _Michonne jumped backwards with the girl, completely expecting the wood to go up in flames, but she was shocked when the match hit the wood and went out with a sizzle._

 _"_ _Well, that was embarrassing" Rick laughed._

 _"_ _Good job sheriff" Michonne laughed, opening her eyes to see the room she was standing in engulfed in flames. The smoke caused her to choke, and her feet were burning from the heat. She realized if she stayed in the burning cabin much longer she would suffocate, and she stayed a little longer, weighing her options. She didn't remember making the choice to go outside, but somehow she was now there, standing on the burning porch with bare feet, no food, no one. The van that the remaining men had stocked up with supplies was gone. They had not stuck around once they heard the gunshots. Their van left tracks in the soft leaves and dirt road near the cabin. Michonne, with nowhere else to go, followed the tracks to end it once and for all._

"I found them, hours later, miles later. They were sleeping in the van. I caught up to them, and I slaughtered them. I tore them to pieces with my knife. It didn't even matter that they had guns. I didn't care about anything. I wanted to die. I thought I was dead. When it was over I was just covered in blood, and I didn't know what to do. I wandered, I don't even know how far. I don't really remember how I got back to Alexandria. When I asked you if this was real, it was the first time I was waking up. It's like my body was here, but I wasn't."

Rick was enraptured and enraged by Michonne's story, but he tried his best not to interrupt her as she spoke. He knew she had to get it out, and that this would be therapeutic to her. He tried not to scowl when she explained the state of mind she was in, and why she acted the way she did when she first arrived. When she was done speaking, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, letting it out.

"That's not the half of what they did to me Rick" she said softly, her eyes still closed. "I don't think I can ever say everything they did to me. I don't want to. But that's how I got away."

Rick nodded thoughtfully. "How do you feel? Now that you said that?"

"It still hurts" Michonne said, opening her eyes. "But maybe it's growing pains."


	5. Chapter 5: Thanks For Being So Brave

Rick and Carl were in the kitchen trying to decide on which of the platters of food brought by their family members they wanted to eat for dinner. They had plenty to choose from. Fried eggplant, Zucchini casserole, and spaghetti squash soup were among the options.

"What does Michonne want to eat?" Carl asked.

"She said she wasn't really hungry. She asked for an apple."

"An apple?" Carl asked incredulously, "she needs to eat more than that. She only had a piece of toast before."

"Yea I know" Rick said, "but at least she's eating something. It's a start."

"You need to cut it up for her" Carl said.

Rick looked at Carl skeptically. "Why?"

"She's afraid of knives. When I went to cut her toast before, she looked really scared."

Rick nodded. "I didn't know that. Thanks for telling me Carl, that's really thoughtful."

The family of four sat around the table for dinner. Michonne had a plate of cut up apple slices, while the rest of them settled on fried eggplant, Carl quietly insisting that they didn't eat anything that required knives. Michonne was sitting between Rick and Judith at the table. Judith kept reaching for Michonne and whining, so Michonne was feeding the baby apple slices to distract her. After a few minutes of silence and the sounds of forks hitting the bottom of plates, Michonne realized that dinner was getting very awkward, as if no one knew the right thing to say to her. She decided to try to lighten the mood a little.

"So, what did I miss?" Michonne asked.

Carl smiled and let out a small laugh. He immediately began to talk about Daryl and Aaron bringing a German Shepherd back that they found roaming around. They thought it was feral but as soon as Aaron threw bread at it, it became like a puppy.

Michonne tried her best to listen to Carl's story, nodding her head at appropriate times, but her mind kept going back to the dead girl's face. How pale it looked as she lay on the cabin floor. How young and innocent she was. How Michonne failed to protect her. When Michonne zoned out again, Judith playfully reached over to grab her mom's attention, tapping her arm. Startled, Michonne turned to Judith and saw the girl's dead eyes staring back at her on Judith's face. Michonne leaped from her seat and all three of them stared at her. Judith's face slowly scrunched up, as if she were about to cry.

Michonne was still freaked out, but with every muscle in her body on edge she sat back down in her seat and turned to Judith. "I'm sorry Judy, did I scare you?" she asked the startled toddler. She picked up one of her apple slices and made an airplane noise, flying it through the air as it headed towards the toddler's mouth. Judith immediately relaxed and began to laugh. "Open up!" Michonne said, and she successfully landed the apple into Judith's mouth.

Rick watched the whole scene in awe. He knew that something had just happened, but she had fought through her urge to run and hide inside of herself, and he was proud of her. Michonne managed to stay at the table for the entirety of dinner, even though Rick noticed that she'd only eaten a few of the apple slices, Judith finishing the rest.

As the end of the day approached, Carl was about to take Judith upstairs to bed. He said goodnight to his father and went to give Michonne his normal goodnight hug before he realized that involved touching her. He stood awkwardly in front of her, both of them realizing what he was about to do.

"Goodnight" he said sadly. Before he could walk away, Michonne said "wait. Carl can I… can I talk to you for a minute?" He nodded and gave Judith to Rick, and the two of them stepped onto the darkened porch.

"I know I'm not… who I used to be. I know it's hard on you, and you miss who I was. _I_ miss who I was. But I wanted you to know that me not being able to touch you, it's not about you, or anything that you did. It's about me, and what I went through. I love you, always remember that. It's… it's my fault, not yours."

"No" Carl says.

"It is…"

"No! It's not. It's not your fault. I know you won't always be like this. Bad things happen sometimes, like when I got shot twice, and what those guys on the road tried to do to me when it was just me, you, and dad. Just because bad things happen doesn't mean you deserve it. It doesn't mean it's your fault."

Michonne's eyes widened at the beauty of what Carl just said. Her heart filled with emotion and she began to cry, wiping her eyes and turning away from him slightly.

"Thank you" Michonne said softly.

"For what?" Carl asked, genuinely confused.

"For being patient with me."

XXXXXXXXXX

Rick and Michonne sat on the couch in silence after Carl took Judith upstairs. After a long pause, Rick said "I'm proud of you. For all the progress you've made today. I saw what you did at the table, how something happened there, but you held it together. I know it was hard, but you're making it."

Michonne nodded, slightly overwhelmed by all the positivity around her.

"You tired?" Rick asked.

Michonne nodded. "Yea, but I'm scared to go to sleep."

"Would it help if I stayed with you?"

Michonne nodded again.

"C'mon, let's go" Rick said, standing up. He followed as she led him to her old bedroom again.

"Do you wanna lay on the…"

"No!" Michonne said quickly, her eyes widening slightly.

"Okay" Rick relented, and Michonne lay down on the bedroom floor. Rick pulled the comforter off the bed and placed it over her. He then also lay next to her, a few feet away so that he wasn't touching her. It was soon apparent that neither of them were getting any sleep that night, so they lay next to each other quietly in the dark.

XXXXXXXXXX

Michonne wanted to be able to take a shower. Showering used to be one of her favorite things to do when home, besides brushing her teeth. The feel of the warm water rushing over her, the smell of the body wash clinging to her skin, it just made her feel relaxed, and she was angry that those men had taken away an activity that had always caused enjoyment. She knew that her unease with water pouring over her head stemmed from her flashbacks, and she asked Rick to help her with this step in her healing.

"What do you need me to do?" Rick asked, surprised that she was ready to try this again after the way she had reacted the first time.

"I just… need you to be there" Michonne said.

"Okay" Rick agreed, following her upstairs.

Michonne walked into the bathroom, and took a deep breath. Rick took a seat on the lip of the tub, located across bathroom, as Michonne headed for the shower, removing her robe and stepping through the doors. She hesitated for a second before reaching out to turn on the water. The water flowed into her hands, warming up the longer it ran. Rick watched her hesitate through the frosted shower glass. His heart beat out of his chest, hoping that she could do this.

She stepped into the flow of water, letting it run down her chest and arms, and then slowly, she stood under the spray. The water ran through her hair, caressing it like fingers, being absorbed by her curls, making her hair heavy. Michonne let out a moan. It has been a long time since she'd washed her hair. As the water wet her hair more and more she closed her eyes and began to relax, and suddenly a bucket of water was being splashed on her. His hands were pulling her hair, cutting and hacking it away. She closed her eyes and breathed, trying to fight through the panic. Her eyes snapped open and she could see her locs littering the floor of the shower.

"It's not real, you're not real" she muttered quietly.

Rick slowly rose from his seat on the tub, taking a few steps towards the shower.

"It's okay, you're doing great sweetheart" he encouraged her.

Rick's voice caused Michonne to focus. She could do this. She took another deep breath and pushed her head underneath the shower spray again, feeling the water flow across her scalp.

She wiped away her tears and reached for her wash cloth, squeezing soap onto it until it was lathered. When Rick saw that she'd continued, he tentatively sat back down on the tub. She ran the washcloth down her shoulders, and suddenly there were hands scrubbing at her skin harshly, hurting her, scratching her. She took another breath and continued to wash herself, the feeling of hands on her slowly going away. After she had washed her skin, she took a breath and then slightly opened the shower door, turning to Rick. "Rick can you step out for a moment?"

Rick was surprised at her request, and his brow furrowed slightly. He didn't want to leave her.

"Are you sure?" He asked, standing slowly.

"Yes" she replied, "Thank you."

Rick nodded and left the bathroom, closing the door in behind him, but standing close by.

Michonne held the wash cloth for a moment and simply breathed, preparing herself for what she was about to do next.

When she was ready, she reached down, and ran the wash cloth between her legs, holding back a yelp at the pain, and the still fresh bruises. More tears came, as she relived the horror of how she got the bruises, but she continued through the pain, wanting to be rid of any sign of the men who had brutalized her.

When she was done, she leaned on the shower wall, crying but relieved that she got through it. She turned the shower off and stepped out, putting her robe back on.

"Michonne? Are you okay?" Rick called from just behind the door.

"Yes" she responded. She turned to the mirror and looked at her hair briefly before turning away, not ready to face that yet. She wrapped a towel on her head, and walked out the bathroom.

When Rick saw Michonne in her favorite blue bath robe, and a towel wrapped over her head, he couldn't help but remember the morning of the day that they had first kissed, when she entered his room to steal some toothpaste. He smiled at her, relieved that she had taken this obviously painful step. She looked sad, but still so beautiful. The bruises on her skin didn't affect her beauty. She looked him in the eye, and the side of her lip pulled up slightly in a tiny grin.

"Thank you, for being there" she said.

"Always" he replied.

XXXXXXXXXX

By the end of the week, Michonne was regularly taking showers by herself. Even though she didn't need Rick to be there anymore, he'd often wait outside the door to make sure she was okay. The open wounds on her wrists, ankles, and feet had scabbed over, and her physical bruises were fading away. But, she still couldn't be touched, or sleep in a bed, and she kept her hair covered under a scarf. Rick didn't ask her why or when she would start to work on those things she still couldn't do, he just accepted her boundaries.

The others in the family had finally been allowed to come by the house, warned somewhat about how different Michonne was now, but the warnings still didn't prepare them for the woman before them. Skinny, with haunted eyes, who couldn't be touched. Michonne tried to be as polite as possible, listening to conversation, answering simple questions when asked, even giving a slight smirk when someone said something funny, but they could tell she wasn't fully there, sometimes staring into the distance until someone pulled her back into the conversation.

Michonne wanted and craved the company of her family, but touch always brought back flashbacks and memories of being touched against her will. Of being forced to do the vilest of things without a choice. Of being hurt again and again.

Michonne's greatest agony was her inability to touch Judith. Judith didn't understand anything of what Michonne went through and frequently got upset when she wanted Michonne to pick her up. They worked it out that at night, Carl or Rick would rock Judith as Michonne would sing her a lullaby. Although Judith protested at first, she grew to accept the compromise, falling asleep to the sound of Michonne's voice.

One night, Rick and Michonne lay on the floor of her bedroom, which had become their regular room, a few feet apart. Seemingly out of nowhere, Michonne turned to Rick and said "I want to try laying on the bed."

Rick was shocked, but instantly sat up. Michonne got up from the floor and slowly sat on the bed, the creaking box springs putting her on edge. She sat there for a few seconds, calming her racing heart by breathing. When it felt okay, she lay flat on her back and immediately had a flashback of a large sweaty man writhing on top of her. She bolted upright again.

"You don't have to" Rick said from his spot on the floor.

Michonne shook her head and lay back down. She was determined to get through this. She wanted her life back. The men were long gone, but she still felt their cruelty every day, and she wanted to put it behind her. The mattress was much more comfortable than the one she'd been tied to for a month. She sighed and forced her body to relax. She then closed her eyes.

She awoke to sunlight on her face. She looked down from her spot on her bed and saw Rick on the floor curled up beside her. She studied his sleeping face, the curls covering his eyes, and his peaceful expression. As she watched him, she was so overwhelmed with emotion. When she told him she'd wanted to try laying on the bed, she hadn't explicitly told him if he should lay down too. She fell asleep so quickly that they didn't have time to talk about it, and he had so much love and respect for her that he wouldn't get into the bed without her permission. Michonne realized that she missed him laying next to her, and the intimacy that they once shared. She felt so lucky to have a man so understanding, patient, respectful of her feelings, and worthy of her love. She silently watched him for ten minutes, until he too woke up and caught her staring.

"I love you too Rick. I know you know it, but I love you too" she said sincerely. He smiled in response, the smile lighting up his face.

"Come lay next to me?" Michonne asked, moving over in the bed to give him space.

Rick's heart beat quickly as she said the words that he thought he might never hear again. He nodded eagerly and hopped up off the floor. Moving slowly, he lowered himself next to her in the bed, still being careful that his body didn't brush against hers.

They lay in silence for a while until Michonne turned to look into Rick's eyes and said, "thanks for being so wonderful."

He smiled and said, "thanks for being so brave."

 _ **Author's Note:** For everyone still reading this story and going on this expedition with me, thank you so much. I really appreciate the level of trust needed to continue reading this story. This has been a journey for me to write, so I know it must be a journey for you to read. The imagery alone is traumatic, but I am trying to do justice to people who unfortunately have been through events similar to this. I specifically hope I haven't offended anyone who has actually been sexually assaulted, as that was not my intention at all. To everyone who left reviews and messages of encouragement and support, and those who defended me against bullies and trolls, I appreciate you more than you'll ever know. I should be finishing this story in a chapter or two, so we are almost at the finish line, and as usual, please send me a review and let me know your thoughts._


	6. Chapter 6: New Growth

One day while Carl, Rick, and Judith were out of the house and Michonne was home alone, she took the opportunity to tackle something that was bothering her. Her hair. It had grown out more since it had been hacked at, but she hadn't so much as brushed it since. She put a scarf over it every day and avoided mirrors. To be honest, she felt a sense of shame whenever she glanced at her hair. The uneven edges were a reminder of her attack, and what she'd lost.

It made her angry to think about how much these long dead men took from her. Her dignity, her trust, her confidence, her physical relationship with her children, and her sexual relationship with Rick. She was tired of hiding.

Michonne walked to the bathroom mirror, her heart beating rapidly. Taking a deep breath, she untied her scarf and let it fall to the floor. She stared at her face, this time remembering Rick's words instead of His.

 _You are worth loving. You are worth waiting for. I will wait for you forever._

Taking a deep breath, she picked up a scissor and cut the pieces of her locs that hadn't been completely sheared off, cutting them so that her hair was now the same short length all the way around, like a mini afro. The only hair left was new growth.

Michonne took some hair grease and rubbed it over her fingers. She parted a small section of hair, and carefully rolled the hair between her thumb and forefinger until it created a small twist. She repeated the process over and over until her head was full of dozens of mini twists that would eventually become locs, like planting seedlings that would grow into beautiful trees.

When Michonne was done twisting her hair, she couldn't help but weep, for finally putting away one of the last few physical signs of her abuse. With this, a huge weight was taken off her shoulders. She felt lighter, like something in her was set free.

She put all her beauty supplies away and looked at herself again, and for the first time in a long time, she smiled.

XXXXXXXXXX

When Rick came home from watch, he couldn't believe his nose. He smelled something wonderful cooking, and the house was warm from the oven being on. He figured Carl was making something, although it was rare for the boy to cook anything besides cereal, oatmeal, or sandwiches.

Curiously, Rick made his way to the kitchen to see what Carl was cooking, and was shocked to walk in on Michonne chopping onions with her back to him. When he saw her, Rick shook his head slightly from side to side, and blinked rapidly to hold back the tears. She was chopping up the onions with a knife like it was nothing, as something fragrant simmered on the stove. His eyes roamed to her hair which was no longer covered with a scarf. Small twists covered her scalp and he knew it must've taken a long time for her to do that many. He thought she looked beautiful, and a tear escaped from his eye. Michonne, sensing someone was behind her, turned around suddenly.

"Your hair. It looks lovely" Rick said softly.

"Oh" Michonne said, reaching up to touch her twists. "Thank you."

She paused for a moment and scrutinized Rick's face.

"Are you crying?" She asked with a hint of humor.

"Well, you are chopping onions" Rick said with a smile.

Rick's heart nearly leaped out of his chest when her lips turned upwards and she let out one of her brilliant smiles, her white teeth showing, and her eyes sparkling. Rick couldn't explain how much he'd missed her smile, and he felt blessed to be in the presence of one.

Michonne caught Rick's eye briefly before turning back to the stove.

"What are you cooking?" Rick asked.

"Fish tacos" Michonne replied. "Daryl stopped by and gave us one he caught. I invited him over for dinner."

"It smells amazing" Rick said as he moved closer behind Michonne to take a peek into the pan. It was then that he realized how good she smelled. He wanted to add 'you smell amazing' but he didn't want to make her uncomfortable. Michonne could sense that Rick was coming up behind her. She turned around to tell him that it would be done soon, but she didn't realize how close he was until his lips were right in her face. Her eyes flicked from his eyes to his lips and back again.

Rick didn't expect Michonne to turn around so quickly. Suddenly she was facing him, inches from him. His whole body felt warm and he wanted nothing more than to put his arms around her, but he took a step back.

"S-sorry. I just wanted to get a look... at the fish... I'm gonna go change my clothes. I'll be back down" Rick said, and then he quickly made an escape upstairs.

Michonne was shaken by how much she was affected by Rick's proximity. She felt something she hadn't felt in months. Desire. With his lips so close, she just wanted to press her lips against his and kiss him. She realized that these feelings were the first step to getting over her touch aversion, and it scared her. She didn't know if she was ready to take that step forward yet.

She knew that Rick was aching to touch her. She could see the way he adjusted his pajama pants awkwardly in the morning when they woke up together. She could see the looks he was giving her. It was hard for him not to be able to touch her, she knew it.

 _He wouldn't want to touch you if he knew where you've been. He wouldn't want to touch you if he knew how many men have had you. He wouldn't want to touch you if he knew what you've done._

Michonne couldn't stop the negative thoughts from racing through her head. In her heart she knew that they weren't true, that Rick would love her no matter what, but she had that shred of doubt that he may be disgusted with her.

She decided that it was time. Although she didn't want to, she had to tell Rick everything that she'd gone through. He deserved to know.

XXXXXXXXXX

Rick and Michonne lay together in the bed in Michonne's room.

"I just want you to know you don't have to tell me if you're not ready" Rick said.

"No. I need to tell you, just this once. So you know everything" she said.

Rick nodded and turned in bed so that he was facing her, his head propped up on his arm. Michonne lay on her back, looking upwards at the ceiling. She took a deep breath and began.

As she spoke she wasn't just telling Rick about her hell, she was reliving it. She spoke with her eyes closed, tears making tracks down her cheeks, but she didn't dare stop for fear she wouldn't be able to continue. Words tumbled from her mouth in fast succession as if she were entranced. Rick watched her as she spoke, listening through his own tears, trying not to move for fear of breaking the trance that she seemed to be in.

When she finished, she gave a long exhale and opened her eyes, continuing to look up at the ceiling. Rick was staring at her, his eyes glistening, and his forehead scrunched.

"So... I understand if you don't want to... be like we were before. There's no way for me to know if they gave me something. They didn't... they didn't use a..." Michonne's voice broke with a sob that turned into full on weeping.

Rick's chest physically lurched forward as his heart broke. He reached towards her and then pulled his arm back.

"Oh Michonne, look at me. Look at me honey" he said, because she had turned away from him.

Michonne forced her eyes towards his, a shimmer of tears making them sparkle, her lips trembling.

"I don't care. I don't care about any of that. I just want you to be healthy, and I don't want you to hurt anymore. When you're ready, we'll go to Dr. Carson, but only if you want. If you don't want to go I will still be here right next to you."

Rick stared into her eyes and saw her guilt and doubt.

"Michonne it wasn't your fault. If you could've gotten out of there you would've, because I know you. If you could've saved that girl, I know you would've. What happened to you wasn't your fault. What happened to the girl wasn't your fault. Say it."

Michonne fought through the tears and finally opened her mouth. "It wasn't my fault" she said, finally accepting that. With those words, her soul felt lighter. She felt as if her soul had been freed.

"Thank you for telling me, for sharing all of that with me. I know it was hard on you and it took a lot out of you" Rick said, his fingers tracing over the ridges in the sheets between them, wishing he could touch her.

"I actually feel better. Now that you know. It bothered me that you didn't" she said, sniffling.

Rick nodded and shifted in the bed, scooting slightly closer.

"Do you think you can sleep now?" Rick asked.

Michonne turned on her side to face him, moving slightly closer as well, so that there were only a few inches between them. The way Rick was staring at her made her face turn red. She had to admit, their closeness was affecting her as well.

"Yea" she said softly. "Thank you for everything Rick. Goodnight. I love you."

"Goodnight sweetheart. I love you too" he responded, fluffing his pillow before closing his eyes.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next day Rick had gone on wall duty, and Carl wanted to go see Enid who had come back to visit Alexandria. Judith had just settled down to take a nap and Carl was hesitant about leaving Michonne alone with her.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? I can wait till dad comes back before I leave" Carl suggested, but Michonne could see the desperation in his eyes. Carl hadn't seen Enid since before Michonne had gone missing, and Michonne wanted him to get out of the house and live his life.

"We'll be fine" Michonne said reassuringly.

"But what if she wakes up?" Carl asked.

"I'll handle it" Michonne said, "go have fun. Tell Enid I said hi."

"Okay. I'll be back soon" Carl said, heading to the door but glancing back briefly to once again check on Michonne. He then headed out the door.

Michonne looked around the empty first floor of the house without much to do. She hadn't been assigned any jobs due to her physical and psychological wounds that she was still working through, and she was pretty bored.

She headed upstairs to Judith's room. The girl was fast asleep, her thumb in her mouth, and her tiny body scrunched into a ball. Michonne couldn't help but smile at the sight of her little girl, peacefully napping. Michonne caressed the side of Judith's crib as she slept, wishing she had the courage to reach out and touch the girl's hair. Michonne, disappointed with her still very active phobia, sighed and plopped down into the armchair in Judith's room.

She picked up a book that she had left on the small table next to the armchair, and began to read. Within minutes she was also fast asleep.

Michonne awoke to Judith's cries. She opened her eyes to see the girl standing in her crib crying for her, her little arms outstretched towards her mother.

"Mmmuuuhhhhhh" Judith called, summoning Michonne to lift her up.

"Hi Judy" Michonne said, "you're awake from your nap early aren't you?"

"Muhhhhhhhh!" Judith demanded, opening and closing her fingers.

"Lay down sweetie, go back to sleep" Michonne said soothingly.

Judith cried in frustration, stamping her feet and bouncing in her crib.

"Mmmmuhhhhhh!" Judith screamed, virtually leaping at Michonne, begging her to lift her out of the crib. "Mmmmmmuh!"

Michonne looked into Judith's tearstained eyes and saw the girl's longing to be held by her mother, and in that instant, Judith's needs outweighed Michonne's fear.

Hand trembling, Michonne reached out towards Judith's hair. Before Michonne's hand reached Judith, Judith grabbed her, both of her tiny hands wrapping around Michonne's.

Michonne immediately had a reaction, her body tensing, a cold sweat breaking out on her skin. And suddenly, the sounds Judith was making brought her back.

"Muhhhh muhhh. Mmmuh ma" Judith said, straining as if she knew she wasn't saying it quite right.

"Ma-ma?" Michonne asked, with tears plummeting from her eyes.

"Ma-ma" Judith repeated, attempting to climb up Michonne's arm and out of the crib.

"Oh, my baby" Michonne said, lifting Judith out of the crib and pressing her against her chest. "Oh Judy, mama's here, mama's here" she chanted, rocking the girl from side to side. Judith placed one of her hands on Michonne's cheek, and Michonne leaned into the touch, the first gentle touch she'd felt in weeks.

"Thank you. Thank you. Oh God" Michonne sobbed into Judith's shoulder.

Judith, happy to be held by Michonne once again, stayed uncharacteristically still while Michonne released her sorrow and fear.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm here now. I'm here" Michonne bawled, her tears dripping on to Judith's hands. Judith reached up and patted Michonne's cheek. "Ma-ma" she said again.

Michonne carried Judith to the armchair in her room, and sat down, cuddling the girl to her. Both Judith and Michonne craved each other's touch, clinging to each other as Michonne told Judith how much she was loved.


	7. Chapter 7: I'm so happy this is real

When Carl came back home, it was eerily quiet in the house.

"Hey Michonne, I'm back!" Carl called as he closed the front door in behind him. He trudged into the kitchen, grabbing a cup and pouring himself some water from the refrigerator. He took a sip, closing his eyes as the cool liquid slid down his throat.

"Hey Michonne?" Carl called, and was greeted with silence. Wrinkling his forehead, Carl made his way up the steps, the stairs creaking eerily beneath him. The door to Judith's bedroom was slightly ajar, and Carl slowly pushed it open, the sight of Judith's empty crib sending his body into full alarm mode. He turned quickly and immediately relaxed.

Michonne was sitting sideways in the armchair, her socked feet, and her back, were resting on the deep armrests, the side of her head resting against the headrest. She was sleeping, but when Carl saw what was in her lap, he couldn't contain his smile. Judith was laying up against Michonne's chest, fast asleep as well, her arms wrapped tightly around Michonne's neck, and Michonne's knees keeping her in place.

Carl let out a small chuckle before he could help himself. Not wanting to wake the sleeping pair, he slowly crept back out of the room, taking another opportunity to watch them before closing the door back in and letting them sleep in peace.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What made you pick her up?" Rick asked Michonne. They were in the kitchen, washing dishes after dinner, and Carl had taken Judith back over to where Enid was staying, to visit her. Carl told his parents that Enid really missed Judith and wanted to see her, but they both knew he was just using Judith as an excuse to visit Enid again.

"She was crying and… I just knew she needed me. She touched me and I had a reaction. I didn't like it… I… I wanted to let go, to run away. But then she said mama. She _spoke_ Rick. And no matter what, I had to hold her. She's my daughter, she's more important than anything else."

Rick nodded with a smile on his face. "She's been trying to talk for weeks" he said, "I knew it was gonna be soon, but I thought I'd be there to hear it. And I was kinda hoping it'd be dada."

Michonne turned to Rick with a smirk. "Are you jealous?"

"Maybe a little" he admitted, "but she did what I couldn't, she touched you."

Michonne's smile slowly dropped. "I'm sorry it's been so hard" she said, "I'm sorry I've been so…"

"No!" Rick said, stopping her. "I don't want you to think that I'm blaming you."

"I know you're not."

"I just meant I'm glad you and she broke that barrier. She needed you, and I know you needed her too."

Michonne nodded, her eyes meeting Rick's briefly before suddenly becoming interested in the dish cloth she was using to dry the dishes. Rick went back to washing dishes, an uncomfortable silence settling between them for a few minutes.

Michonne opened and closed her mouth a few times, as if hesitating to say what was on her mind. "I need you too" Michonne said softly, slowly dragging her eyes towards Rick's. At her tone, Rick looked over towards Michonne, seeing uncertainty in her eyes.

"Rick, I… I wouldn't've been able to heal as much as I have without you. And I want to… try. I want to try to touch you."

Rick put the dish that he was washing down on the counter. "Michonne, you've done so much already. You are making so much progress, and I don't want you to do something that you're not comfortable with. Not with me."

"I know. _I_ want to try this. I think maybe if _I_ touch _you_ , it won't be so bad. We can just try it. See what happens?" she said with a shrug.

Rick glanced at Michonne harder. He had been praying for this day for weeks. He wanted to feel her hands on him again, but he didn't want her to scare herself. He was afraid she'd regress and not try it again if it didn't go well. He was afraid that she may reject him for good.

"Please?" Michonne asked, her eyes pleading with him. As scared as she was, she wanted to feel him again.

"Okay" Rick said. "What do you want me to do?"

"Just… just don't move" Michonne said, and she reached her right hand towards Rick's arm. Her fingers were trembling the closer she got, and before she knew it she was touching his upper arm. Rick could feel her shaking fingers pressed against him, and his heart ached for the turmoil she was going through, but he didn't say anything and stayed still.

Although Michonne was trembling, she kept her fingertips against Rick's arm. She had a strong compulsion to remove her hand. Her heart raced, but she kept her shaking fingertips steady, forcing herself to settle the pads of her fingers there, then her palm, and then her entire hand, until she was gripping Rick's arm.

Once Michonne had rested her entire hand on Rick's arm, she looked up at his eyes and saw that he was grinning at her.

"How do you feel?" Rick asked.

"I'm shaking, and my heart is racing" Michonne admitted, "but I'm doing it."

"You're doing great. I'm so proud of you."

Slowly, Michonne removed her hand from Rick's arm. She took a deep breath to calm herself and then said "Rick I want to touch your face. Can I?"

"Of course you can" Rick said.

Michonne reached her arm out in the same way she had before, her fingertips hesitating as they approached Rick's cheek. He looked at her in anticipation. She rolled her shoulders, seemingly psyching herself up, and then pressed her fingertips to Rick's beard, running them slowly down his cheek.

Rick's eyes rolled closed at the feel of Michonne's fingers on his face. He felt an instant electricity flow through her fingertips and into his body. He had been waiting for this moment for so long. He thought it wouldn't ever happen again and he accepted that, and now he could feel his love's touch again.

Michonne's fingertips were hypersensitive to the feel of Rick's beard. She'd missed its roughness, the way it was prickly on the tops of his cheeks, but got softer the closer she got to his chin. She missed the feel of his skin underneath hers. Although she was still trembling, she pressed her palm to his face, wanting to feel more of his warm flesh under her hand.

Rick pressed his cheek against her hand. It was so warm and smooth. He couldn't help but remember rubbing his cheeks against her chest, belly, and thighs the last time they'd made love. He missed her hands on his neck, and chest, and everywhere else. He just missed her.

"How are you doin'?" Rick asked, his eyes still closed.

Michonne, feeling bolder than she'd felt in a long time, reached out with her other hand and placed it on Rick's opposite cheek, her hands framing his face. "I've missed this" she said softly.

"Oh, I have too" Rick said, his eyes still closed. Michonne slowly slid both hands down Rick's face, tracing her fingers over his cheek bones, and then running her pointer finger across his lips. Rick released a moan at the feeling of her fingers tracing his lips. It took everything he had to keep his hands at his sides and not wrap his arms around her and kiss her.

Feeling completely empowered by the reaction Rick was having, Michonne leaned in closer to him, testing her limits. Her face was inches from his cheeks. She wanted to rest her face against his and feel his beard tickle her skin. Rick was all but quivering as he could feel her warmth and proximity against his body.

The moment Michonne's cheek rested against Rick's she was back in the cabin, her arms and legs strapped to the bed. She could feel His scratchy beard against her cheek, right before he thrust inside of her, causing her to gasp in pain. _"It's big ain't it. I know, but you'll get used to it."_

Michonne leaped back from Rick, her hand clutching the side of her face that had been pressed against Rick's as if she'd been slapped.

"What? What!?" Rick asked, startled by her reaction.

"I… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have… I didn't mean to scare you. It was too much. I did too much… I'm sorry" Michonne stuttered, backing away from Rick, her eyes wide but staring at the ground.

"Wait! Michonne! Hold on!" Rick called after her, but she retreated to her bedroom, closing the door behind her and this time locking it.

XXXXXXXXXX

Michonne had one of her worst nights since the first night she came home. She couldn't help the flashbacks that were playing in her head, over and over. They were so realistic she was starting to second guess if she really had escaped that cabin after all. It was like a flood gate had opened, and she was reliving things that were done and said to her that her brain had tried to bury, pushed down into her subconscious until physical intimacy with Rick summoned them to crawl their way to the surface once more. She was on the floor again, her head in her hands, shaking nonstop.

"Michonne!" Rick called through the locked door. "Michonne, open the door, please!" But she couldn't hear him. Her worst nightmare had happened. In her mind, she was back in that dirty bedroom. For hours, she was almost catatonic, a slave to her own mind, as the worst parts of her ordeal kept playing on a loop. In her head, she lay on her back on the dirty mattress, her arms and legs secured, as He stood over her, grinning. He stared down at her, violating her with his eyes, and she could hear his voice in her head. _Shhh now, be a good Dolly_. When He approached her, to torture her for the dozenth time in a row, suddenly the warrior inside of her burst free, and a feeling of pure defiance came over her.

Enough. She was done. She was tired of the flashbacks. Tired of the fear, and pain, and everything else that she had experienced in the past few weeks. She was tired of these dead men taking up any more of her time.

"No!" she said out loud, her voice ringing through the silence of her real bedroom, "You're dead. You're dead and I'm alive. I won. I _beat_ you. You don't control my body or my mind." She wiped tears from her face with one of her sleeves as she spoke to the man in her head. "I am _not_ your Dolly. I'm alive and you're in hell, and after today I won't think about any of you ever again."

With those words, she was back in her bedroom, far from the burned down cabin of hell where she'd been forced to live for so long. Michonne breathed deeply a few more times until her tears abated and her breathing slowed down. Once she had better control of herself, she leaned against the wall to stand up and stretch her cramped legs.

She walked softly to the door of her bedroom and unlocked it. At the unlocking sound, Rick who was sitting on the floor in front of her room, hopped up. He spun around to face her as she swung the door open.

His eyes moved left and right, searching her face to see if she was okay.

Michonne closed the distance between them, not hesitating to place both of her hands on Rick's face again. Rick was completely taken off guard by her affection.

"I'm sorry" she said, looking into his eyes. "I'm better now, and I will keep getting better. Thank you for everything Rick. Thank you." She leaned in closer to him, moving her fingers to the back of his neck, gripping his curls that she'd missed touching. She looked into his wide eyes and then gently pulled his head towards hers, and pressed her lips against his.

Rick was so astonished, he just stood still as Michonne kissed him. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know if he could kiss her back, if he should touch her. He settled on staying as still as possible and hoping she wouldn't stop.

After a few seconds, Michonne pulled back from Rick to look at him again. His expression of confusion made her smile, her teeth radiant and white.

Knowing he needed permission, she whispered "kiss me Rick". That was all the asking Rick needed. He wrapped one arm around her waist, and the other gripped the back of her neck, just underneath her twists. He gazed into her eyes deeply for a split second before pouncing on her lips, griping them with his own, sucking and pulling, and biting them. Being rough but pleasantly tender, he devoured all the sorrow and longing that he felt towards this woman who he loved. He played back every fantasy he had in his head of kissing her, and tried his best to make every single one of those fantasies come true all at once. He realized he wasn't even breathing, and forced himself to breathe in between kisses.

Michonne knew Rick needed this, and dammit she needed it too. It had been too long without his affection. She didn't want to ever go without it again. She pressed her chest flush against his, and wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him to her even more tightly, running her palms up and down his back. Rick couldn't stop himself from kissing her if he wanted too. It was too much, her lips felt too good, it had been too long. Tears escaped his eyes as his tongue circled her mouth again and again.

After some time, Michonne gently pulled her mouth from Rick's. He had lost track of time and if she didn't stop him he would've kept going indefinitely. He opened his eyes to see her staring into them, a slight smirk on her face.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, his lips still swollen from their kiss.

She nodded her head and moved her hands to his face once again. "I'm okay. I just needed to handle some things. I'm sorry I scared you. I feel like I put some of it away. I know it'll still hurt, but I can move on. I'm ready to move on now. I'm ready to live again."

"Sweetheart… you're the bravest person I know. I love you so much. More than anything" Rick said with tears in his eyes.

Michonne leaned in again and kissed Rick's lips again until they were interrupted by the front door opening.

Michonne could hear Judith's babbling and Carl's heavy footsteps in the kitchen. "We're back!" Carl called. Michonne pulled away from Rick and quickly walked towards the kitchen. Without warning, she threw both arms around a startled Carl, and Judith who he was carrying.

Carl froze as Michonne wrapped her arms around him. Not knowing if he should hug her back or stay still, Carl glanced over Michonne's shoulder at Rick who was entering the kitchen. Rick nodded briefly with a smile on his face. Relieved, Carl wrapped his arms around Michonne and buried his face into her shoulder. Within seconds he was sobbing, grabbing on to her tightly. Rick quickly took Judith from Carl, and with both hands free, Carl tightly embraced Michonne. Michonne held on to Carl, knowing he needed his time to release all the horror and pain he had been bravely holding in. The two of them stayed in an embrace for minutes, Michonne silently rocking Carl from side to side as he cried.

Rick nodded to Michonne as he took Judith upstairs to put her to bed. After a few minutes, Carl's sobs turned to sniffles, and then he went quiet, still holding Michonne in his arms. When he was ready, he let go first, and Michonne followed his lead, her hand lingering on his hair a while before she completely let go.

"How?" Carl managed, his voice raspy from his tears.

"I had another breakdown" Michonne admitted, "but afterwards, I felt… free. Like I had resolved some things in my mind. And I hope I never go back to that again. I'm sorry for everything that I put you through…" Michonne began.

Carl opened his mouth to interrupt her, but Michonne lifted a hand to silence him. "I know it wasn't my fault, and I accept that, but that doesn't change the fact that you still had to deal with so much. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you because of what I was going through. I couldn't be the mom that you needed, but you were so great. You took up the slack, you took care of Judith, and your dad, and me. And you were so patient with me Carl. You're part of the reason why I healed and I'm so grateful to you. Thank you" Michonne said, staring into Carl's eye.

Carl nodded proudly. "You're welcome. I'm just glad to have you back"

XXXXXXXXXX

That night, per Michonne's request, she and Rick lay together, face to face, in their own bed, in their old room for the first time in months. Rick couldn't stop grinning as he and Michonne lay side by side. Encouraged by his enthusiasm, she grabbed Rick's hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, before entwining their fingers. Rick pulled their entwined hands towards his mouth, and gently kissed the top of her hand, causing her to smile.

"This is like a dream" Rick said with a sigh. "This is… this is everything I've wanted. Everything that I needed."

"It is for me too" Michonne agreed. She let go of Rick's hand and slowly ran her fingers down Rick's face. "You don't realize how good you have something until it's gone, huh?"

"Who are you telling?" Rick joked. His hand crept over to Michonne's waist, pulling her closer to him. "Is that okay?" he asked, suddenly nervous about setting her off again.

"Yes, it's okay" she assured him, gently pulling his curls. "Rick… I…" Michonne sighed, unexpectedly nervous again.

"What is it?" Rick asked.

"I'm ready to go to Dr. Carson. To get checked out. I want to. Before we…"

"Oh" Rick said quickly, understanding what she was saying. "Okay, okay sure. We can go tomorrow if you're okay with that."

Michonne nodded and smiled. She cuddled up closer to Rick, and he wrapped both arms around her, enveloping her in his warmth. He kissed her on the forehead and she rested her head on his shoulder, slowly enticed into a sleepy state by his steady heartbeat.

"I love you" she whispered.

"I love you too sweetheart" he whispered back.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Rick and Michonne were at the infirmary at Hilltop, Michonne laying on the medical bed uncomfortably, while Rick sat in the chair next to her, his foot nervously tapping on the floor. Due to the lack of real medical supplies, instead of a disposable medical gown, Michonne was wearing an oversized T-shirt, and her feet were propped up on old textbooks instead of stirrups, but they all had to make do.

Michonne was terrified, and Rick could tell. He couldn't imagine the feelings and thoughts she was experiencing having someone examine her in that area, but he could tell by the resolved look on her face that she was going to get through this, no matter what. He rubbed his thumb up and down her hand, trying to give her any kind of comfort that he could, while they waited for Dr. Carson to come back with his instruments.

"Can I come in?" Dr. Carson asked from the other side of a sheet that he had hung across the exam room of the trailer.

"Yes" Michonne said, her voice shaking slightly.

Dr. Carson entered and greeted Rick and Michonne before putting his supplies down on the table next to the exam bed.

"Okay, I know you're nervous" he said, turning to Michonne who was unconsciously pulling on her M chain while biting her lip. "And that is completely understandable. But before we start anything, I want to know how you're feeling."

"Well, I… I was gone for a while. Mentally. I was a mess. But Rick, and Carl, and Judith, they helped me get to the point where I can touch people and have someone touch me without freaking out. But to be honest, this… the idea of you doing this… is making me nervous."

Dr. Carson sat in front of Michonne and nodded, completely sympathizing with what she was going through. "First of all, I just want you to know that I have so much respect for you. The fact that you willingly came here, and you're talking to me right now. I of course don't know all the details of what happened, and I only need to know what is medically relevant, but Michonne, all of us who heard of you surviving for a month on your own after being kidnapped, we are in awe of you. And I'm gonna do everything I can do from a doctor's perspective to get you back to full health. Okay?" he asked.

Michonne crushed her lips together and nodded.

"To make you feel a little more comfortable, I'm going to tell you everything I'm going to be doing today okay? First, I'm going to ask you a few questions, then I'm going to do an exam. In the exam, I'm going to look for any physical injuries, or any physical signs of STD's or infections."

With that, Michonne took a deep breath, and Rick squeezed her hand slightly for reassurance.

"I know" Dr. Carson said, nodding his head. "I know that's scary, and I'm going to be honest with you, Michonne, we are limited here with our treatments and our ability to diagnose, but regardless of whether there are signs or not, I'm just going to give you antibiotics for the most common things that might be there. I'm sorry I can't give you a blood test, or a pap smear, or anything else on the microscopic level, but at least that's something. And then, after the exam, if you want one, I can give you a pregnancy test."

Michonne's heart nearly burst through her chest at Dr. Carson's statement, and Rick went pale and looked like he was about to faint. Michonne hadn't even considered that she might have been impregnated by one of those monsters. Tears came to her eyes at Dr. Carson's words.

"Oh, I'm sorry" Dr. Carson said, immediately feeling badly and reaching over to pass Michonne a tissue. "I'm… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know" Michonne said, wiping her face and nose. "I understand. Thank you, Dr. Carson, and yes, I want one."

Dr. Carson nodded. "Do you have any questions for me, either of you, before I start with the medical questions?"

Both of them shook their heads no. Dr. Carson asked Michonne many questions including how long ago it was since the last assault, how many men assaulted her, was she experiencing any physical symptoms, pain, itching, fatigue, and what mental symptoms she was experiencing.

Rick could see answering the questions truthfully was taking a lot out of Michonne, but she continued on, explaining what was done to her and the details of her abuse. At that moment Rick was relieved that Michonne had not gone to Dr. Carson as soon as they'd found her. He didn't think she'd ever come back, if she had to go through the trauma of the questions and the physical exam in the state that she was in previously.

After the questions, Dr. Carson physically examined Michonne while she gripped Rick's hand tightly, her smaller hand trembling in his. "It's okay" he mouthed, looking her in the eyes, "You're okay". Dr. Carson tried to be as quick as possible while also being thorough, looking for bruises or signs of an infection. As soon as he was done, he allowed Michonne to get dressed before he continued the conversation with her.

Once she was dressed, he came back in. "Okay, the good news is, I didn't see any obvious signs of infection which is good. But, like I said before, I really don't have the means to truly test for STDs. So, these are antibiotics for the most common bacterial infections. I want you to take these. The fact that you haven't been having any symptoms is good, but we want to be sure."

Michonne nodded and asked "what about viruses, you know? Antibiotics won't get rid of those."

"You're right" Dr. Carson confirmed. "Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about viral infections. But I do think the chances of you contracting something deadly like HIV is very low at this point. There are no more HIV medications to control the spread of the virus, and someone who has had the virus for this long in the apocalypse would either be dead or too sick to spread it. Not to say that it couldn't happen, but I don't think it'll be helpful for you to worry about."

"Is there anything else she should worry about?" Rick asked, opening his mouth for the first time. He didn't want to insert himself into the conversation because ultimately this was about Michonne, but he wanted to make sure all bases were covered.

"I would suggest that if you two are intimate, you use condoms for a while, at least until she finishes the antibiotics. I know that's difficult, seeing as though they're almost impossible to find. I'd give you some if we had any left here, but uh… besides that there's nothing else I can think of."

Rick looked at Michonne again, and she was steadily staring at the floor. "Are you okay?" he asked her gently, realizing this whole conversation was hard on her. She nodded and quickly looked up at Dr. Carson.

"I want to take the pregnancy test" she said confidently. He passed her one of the tests from a drawer.

"You want me to go with…" Rick began, but Michonne shook her head and headed off to the bathroom, leaving the two men behind her to sit in silence.

Michonne entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her. As soon as the door closed she burst into tears, but she put her hand over her mouth to stifle her cries. She'd known it would be hard coming here, but she had no idea _how_ difficult it would be. Although she should've, she didn't realize pregnancy was even an option, probably because of how much she hated the men that had violated her. And now, she was here testing to see if one of those bastards had left her a parting gift of either a disease or a child.

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She had no idea how she'd react if the test was positive. She had told herself that the men no longer had control of her mind and body, but if she was pregnant they _did_ still have control of her body. Especially now, when she had no choice but to carry the pregnancy. And what about the child? It wouldn't be the child's fault, and she knew even through the pain, Rick would raise the child as his own, but could she deal with seeing that child every day? A constant reminder of the brutality inflicted on her? She placed her hands on her abdomen and said a little prayer.

 _Please be negative. Please God, please! You owe me. Please be negative._

Michonne shook out her hands, physically shaking away her anxiety, and with a deep breath, she took the test. She then covered the toilet, sat on the seat, and stared at the test, waiting for the very second that it revealed an answer. As she waited, she nervously played with her M necklace, rubbing it back and forth on its chain. She could hear Rick pacing outside the bathroom door. She knew it was him from the click of his boots. He didn't knock or ask to come in. He somehow knew she had to do this part on her own, but just the sound of his presence soothed her a little. She knew he'd be there no matter what.

In a few minutes, the screen on the test started to change. Michonne gripped the sink in anticipation and terror as she got her answer. She released a groan and stood to her feet unsteadily. She opened the bathroom door and ran face first into Rick, who wrapped her in an embrace as she buried her head into his chest, unable to speak.

"Oh baby, it's okay. No matter what, it's okay" Rick said to her reassuringly, although his own heart was beating out of his chest. He couldn't tell what the test said from her reaction. Michonne knew he wanted to know, and summing all of her self-control she managed to say the words "negative".

Rick closed his eyes in gratefulness, and pressed his cheek against Michonne's. The two of them just embraced in the hallway in front of the bathroom for as long as they needed.

XXXXXXXXXX

For a week, Michonne regularly took the antibiotics that Dr. Carson gave her, and she tried to get back to her normal life. She and Rick threw a dinner for the whole extended family, and for the first time in months, Michonne gave everyone a hug when they entered the house. Michonne began taking Judith on strolls around Alexandria, finally getting out of the house on a regular basis. And, Michonne begged Rick to put her back on wall duty so that she'd have a job. The rapid progress that she'd made just in the last week was amazing, and the whole town was impressed.

Rick and Michonne had also progressed in their intimacy as well. Although they weren't having sex, they would lay together naked, just touching and cuddling with each other. Rick was so grateful for these little moments, he didn't really care about sex. As long as he could touch and comfort Michonne, he was home.

The night the antibiotics were finished, Rick lay on his side of the bed underneath the covers, while he watched Michonne finish re-twisting her growing hair.

"It's starting to loc already" she said, turning off their bedroom light and climbing into her side of the bed.

"It looks beautiful" Rick said. "You think my hair could do that?"

Michonne let out a laugh as she pulled the covers over her body. "Are you being serious right now?" Michonne asked.

"Yea! What? Would you disown me or something if I got locs?" Rick asked, wrapping one of his large hands around her small waist.

"Not at all" Michonne said, placing a small kiss on his nose. "After all you've been through with me, I could never disown you."

"No, what you mean to say is after all you've been through, and the fact that you're still here, I would be a fool to disown you" Rick said, his eyes flicking back and forth as he looked into Michonne's. Michonne leaned in and kissed Rick shyly on his lip. "Um… I'm done with the medicine" Michonne said uncertainly.

"Do you want to?" Rick asked, sliding his hand down to cup Michonne's backside.

"Do _you_ want to?" Michonne asked, but she knew that question was dumb when Rick pressed his erection against her.

"Only if you're ready. And I want you to know that you are in control here. I'll follow your lead. Anytime you want to stop, we can stop" Rick said.

"Okay" Michonne said softly, and she kissed Rick passionately. He responded, placing his hand on the back of her neck, sucking on her luscious lips. Pleasure ran down Michonne's body, straight to her core, as she kissed her soulmate in their bed. His hands ran up and down her butt and legs, wandering where they wanted, every place they touched crackling with electricity.

Michonne moved her mouth from Rick's and slowly inched her way downward towards his neck, kissing every spot she could. She could feel his pulse contract underneath her lips as he got more and more excited, his breathing speeding up. She licked and bit at him as he let out low moans. She moved further downward to his chest, where she latched on to one of his nipples and sucked.

"Mmmm" Rick moaned in pleasure, and he began to writhe underneath her as her tongue teased and pulled at his nipple.

"Does that feel good?" she asked him. "Oh yes" he replied, placing his hand on her face and watching as she sucked. She moved to the other nipple, repeating the process until both of his nipples were standing at attention.

She moved back up to his mouth and kissed him again. "What do you want Michonne?" he asked her as he panted in ecstasy. "I only want to do what you want. I want this to feel good for you."

Michonne really thought about Rick's words. What did she want out of sex now? What did they take away from her, that she wanted back? The words came to her almost as quickly as she asked herself. She wanted to feel loved, and she wanted her power back.

"I want us to go slow, and I want to be on top" Michonne said. Rick immediately nodded, lying flat on his back. "Yes ma'am" he said with a smile.

Michonne climbed on top of him as he looked up at her in pure admiration. He leaned upwards and caught one of her nipples in his mouth, sucking them the same way she had sucked on his. Michonne looked down and watched with a smile on her face as he devoured her. She placed a hand behind his head and pulled his curls as he alternated between sucking and nibbling, causing her to become wetter.

"Mmm" he murmured, her breast still in his mouth. "So good."

She closed her eyes as he headed to the other breast, repeating the process, as she slowly began to grind on top of him. She could feel his hard dick creating friction between her legs as she slowly moved her body against his. Her body was leaking, and she could feel the sticky precum on Rick's dick as well, as she moved against it.

"How are you feeling?" Rick mumbled against her, as his body jerked involuntarily.

"More" she said, leaning down to taste his lips again.

Rick's hands moved up and down the side of her body as she scooted backwards a little to line herself up with his aching dick which was standing at attention. Slowly and carefully, she stroked his dick a few times before placing it at her entrance. She savored the feel of it against her. It had been so long since she'd had sex that didn't hurt. It had been so long since she had sex that she had wanted, and she wanted this badly.

Rick was peering up at her in anticipation. He was trembling slightly and she knew that he was trying to stay still, waiting for her permission. He was biting his bottom lip as he watched her rub his dick against herself.

When she was ready, she slid on to him fully, and both of their eyes rolled back in their heads simultaneously. It felt so good, a few tears escaped from Michonne's eyes before she could stop them. Rick didn't notice because his eyes were closed. "Oh. 'Chonne" he moaned, "shit. That feels so good."

Michonne settled down further on Rick, loving as he squirmed underneath her. She knew he wanted to move, but he was letting her be in charge. His eyes opened and he watched her smirk on top of him. He couldn't contain a smile. "You waitin' for somethin'?" he asked, his southern accent suddenly becoming more pronounced.

"Just enjoyin' the view" Michonne said, copying his accent. She laughed as he smirked, but suddenly she began to grind against him, and his smile quickly disappeared and was replaced by a look of pure ecstasy. Michonne felt it too and she let out a groan as his dick was touching her in all the right places.

"Oooooh" she moaned, as she wined faster.

"Can… can I… please?" Rick asked, gripping Michonne's hip with his right hand. He didn't have to finish his sentence for Michonne to know what he wanted. She nodded, grabbing hold of both of his hands as he began to thrust into her, the two of them moving in synch as the bed rocked beneath them.

"Mmmmmhhhh Rick" Michonne moaned, her head tilting to the side. "Yesssss… oh, ohhhh"

Rick, pleased that he was pleasing her, continued thrusting, Michonne gripping his hands more tightly as she was reaching her climax. "Yes baby, yes Michonne, I love you. I love you baby" Rick whispered as Michonne's body began to jerk on top of his.

"Oh Rick, I'm… I'm coming ohhhhh" Michonne let out, and then her whole body went rigid on top of his, as her thighs gripped him tightly. Rick watched as she took pleasure in him, and the sight of her caused him to go over the edge, coming quickly soon after her.

Michonne collapsed on top of him, out of breath, their sweaty bodies pressed together and entwined. For a few minutes, neither of them spoke, catching their breath, processing what happened, and how they felt afterwards. Finally, Rick asked "are you okay?"

Michonne nodded her head that was still pressed against Rick's chest. "Rick, that's the first time I've come in so long. I needed that. I needed you. I feel good, great." She turned her head upwards so she could see his face. "You're all I've ever needed."

Rick smiled and pressed a kiss against Michonne's forehead. Michonne gave a giddy laugh. "I can't believe I'm this happy right now, after everything. Do you think that's weird?"

Rick looked into her eyes. "Why would I think that's weird? You deserve to be happy. You don't deserve to spend the rest of your life miserable. I hope you're happy like this every day. I know I'll make sure you're happy like this every night" Rick said, wiggling his eyebrows. Michonne laughed and playfully slapped Rick's chest.

"I'm so happy this is real" Michonne said, slowly crawling up Rick's body so that their mouths could find each other once again. Rick ran his hands up and down Michonne's back as they kissed, his touch setting her on fire once again. She knew he had the same thoughts, as his hand slowly worked its way to cup her ass again. He wiggled his eyebrows, silently asking her if she wanted to go at it again, and she answered by wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him on top of her.

 ** _Author's Note:_** _And that is the end of this story! I hope you were satisfied with this fic, and not too traumatized. And thank you for having faith in me as an author and sticking with it until the end. Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts. And for those of you waiting for an update for 'The Greater Good (the fourth story in the Bargaining Chip Saga)', know that I won't leave you hanging, I'm going to work on the next chapter of that as soon as possible. Once again, thank you for all of your support!_


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